When my daughter was a toddler, I had to fly to California for a business trip. I was certain something terrible would happen if I left her. My plane would crash, she would choke on a grape, perhaps a meteor would fall on our house,

If a meteor were coming, I didn’t want it to happen while I was gone! I wanted us all to die together! (I know, insane.) The feeling was overwhelming, physical, completely convincing. I was pretty sure that anything I was feeling that strongly was coming from a place of deep, maternal intuition.

I forced myself to go, accepting our fate, thinking about how I would explain to people that my husband and baby were killed by a meteor falling on our house. (side note: this is not a normal level of anxiety, and if you relate to this, you should see a professional as I eventually did).

We were all fine. Nothing happened.

That feeling telling me not to go to California was not intuition; it was anxiety.

Years later, I was in a job that wasn’t working for me. They’d cut my pay while trying to raise another round. The CEO and I weren’t getting along, which was painful because he was a real mentor to me, and the relationship mattered a lot to me. I wanted to leave, but I was scared.

I made a common mistake: I confused fear with a signal. I thought, if I’m this scared to go, it must mean I’m not supposed to. If this were the right decision, it would feel easy.

The loud voice was predicting homelessness, professional exile, and a CEO who would never forgive me.

But when I finally got quiet, really quiet, the calm, persistent voice said: "You have to go. This is not working. You will land on your feet, you always do.”

One of those voices was anxiety. One was intuition. They were not saying the same thing. And only one of them was telling the truth.

(reminds me of the two wolves story…)

Here is what I want you to know if you are sitting with a hard decision right now: do not mistake the loud, insistent voice of anxiety for your intuition.

They might be pointing in the same direction or opposite directions.

That’s almost beside the point.

What matters is that they do not sound the same, and learning to hear the difference might be the most useful skill you ever develop as a leader.

Anxiety and intuition can agree with each other. They can both be pointing you toward the same answer.

But anxiety will get there by calling you an idiot and listing every way you could fail. Intuition will get there by saying, calmly and without drama, “This is not right for you.”

One is yelling. One is whispering It is very, very inconvenient and annoying that the quieter voice is the one you should be tuning into and the louder voice is the one you should be ignoring.

The louder the voice, the more it feels like conviction- this is true in a board room, on a debate stage, and within your own brain.

But true, deep, inner knowing is quieter than that.

I recently had a client who interviewed five development teams for a critical technical product. She talked to references, reviewed portfolios, and asked hard questions. And she kept coming back to the same offshore team, a group with deep expertise in health tech, which was exactly the space her product needed to live in. Her intuition said yes. The fit was real.

Her investor said no. He had a developer, someone he’d worked with before, someone he trusted and had recommended strongly. He put the screws on. Not subtly. This wasn’t a gentle suggestion from someone with more experience. It was pressure, and it came with the unspoken weight that investors carry when they’re not happy.

And so the anxiety moved in. If she went with the offshore team and it went sideways, the investor could say he told her so. But the individual developer hadn’t impressed her.

The product, the company, the relationship with the person holding the money, all of it was on the line.

She started second-guessing the offshore team. Finding small reasons to doubt what she’d seen clearly in the interviews. Wondering if maybe the investor’s instinct was worth more than her own research. The loud voice of anxiety had done its work.

When we talked about it, what became clear was that the anxiety wasn’t about the offshore team. She still believed in the team. The anxiety was about what it would mean to be wrong in front the investor, the power he held, and what he might do with it if she defied him and failed.

The intuition, once she could hear it, hadn’t changed. Five teams. Weeks of research. A clear answer. The quiet voice was still saying the same thing it had been saying all along.

This is how it works with the decisions that actually break people. Most leaders are reasonably good at the analytical ones.

• What GTM motion should we use to drive more pipeline?

• Should we move upmarket or stay in our current segment?

• Do we need to hire a VP of Sales now or in six months?

These can be often be answered with data, with experience, with pattern recognition from people who have been there. You might get them wrong, but when you do, you can usually figure out why and adjust.

The decisions that summon that loud anxiety voice look more like:

• Should I stay at this job or leave?

• Do I confront my boss about something they really don’t want to hear?

• Am I burned out or just in a hard season?

• Do I actually want to be CEO anymore?

• Should I fire the person I’ve been protecting?

These aren’t GTM questions. They’re identity questions. And identity questions have a way of summoning anxiety like nothing else.

When you get an analytical decision wrong, it’s a business problem. Recoverable, often instructive.

When you get an identity decision wrong, it doesn’t feel like a data point. It feels like evidence about who you are, whether you have what it takes, and whether your judgment can be trusted.

The stakes feel existential even when they aren’t, and anxiety moves into that space like it owns the place.

Anxiety wears the same clothes as intuition. It shows up in the body. It has a strong point of view. But there are two flavors of anxiety worth knowing, because the coaching move for each is different.

1. Anxiety rooted in identity threat. This is what my client was experiencing. The fear wasn’t really about the team she’d chosen. It was about what being wrong in front of her investor would mean about her in terms of her competence, judgment, and right to make the call. This kind of anxiety will dress itself up as discernment every time, because accepting it as fear would require sitting with a much harder question.

2. Anxiety rooted in old wiring. A previous decision that blew up. A boss who blindsided you. A moment when you trusted your read on something and got burned. Your nervous system catalogued that experience and now it fires the alarm whenever the situation rhymes, regardless of whether the current threat is real. This one is sneakier because there’s actual evidence behind it. Something did go wrong before. The anxiety feels historically justified. But the past situation and the present one are not the same, and your body doesn’t always know that.

Both are loud. Both will drown out the quieter signal if you let them.

I know this because I kept living it, even after I knew better.

When I was deciding whether to leave solid, stable W-2 work and go out on my own as a 1099 about 18 months ago, the anxiety was relentless.

I am a self-supporting single mom. One kid in college, another one about to start.

The voice was not subtle about what was at stake. It told me I would fail. That I would let my family down. That only someone reckless or naive would walk away from a stable income with that much riding on it. My anxiety had a spreadsheet. It had worst-case scenarios. It was very well-prepared.

And underneath all of that, quieter, more patient, unwilling to go away, was a different voice. It didn’t have a spreadsheet but it did have receipts: “you always make it work.” It just kept showing up. Even when I tried to talk myself out of it, even when I let the loud voice run its case, the quiet one was still there when I got still enough to hear it. It said: “you know how to do this. This is the right move.”

Here’s what has helped me discern anxiety from intuition. I sat this as an external processor.

The people who know you. I talked to people who had made a similar leap, founders and coaches and friends who had left stable things and built something on the other side. But the conversations that helped most weren’t the ones where people gave me advice. They were the ones where people asked me questions and let me think out loud. One friend had 100% confdence in me, but another thought I was completely out of my mind. Every time she said so, I felt more certain I wasn’t. I needed that voice too. My coach helped me get practical, to think about how to make the transition responsibly rather than just leap. Different people served different functions, and I needed all of them.

The writing. I journaled through it. Not structured reflection, just writing until something true came out. What surprised me was seeing in black and white just how unhappy I was. The anxiety had been so loud that I’d been treating the status quo as neutral. It wasn’t. The writing made that impossible to ignore.

The bread is still in the oven. My friend Valley and I have a saying we remind each other of when one of us is about to act too fast: the bread is still in the oven. Meaning, if you don’t know what to do, do nothing. Wait until you do. I used that as a kind of rule for myself. I would not act until I could hear something other than fear. It was the hardest part. The anxiety wanted movement, decision, resolution. Sitting still with it felt almost unbearable. But the quiet voice only speaks when you stop filling all the space with noise.

This isn’t exactly a framework, it’s a process that is mostly waiting and listening. I have use it across many decisions, work and personal both. It doesn’t make the anxiety go away. What it does is give the quieter signal a fighting chance.

So here is the question worth sitting with:

Think about the decision you are currently avoiding or circling or returning to without resolution. Ask yourself honestly whether what you are calling your gut feeling is something quiet and persistent, or something loud and urgent and full of arguments.

Anxiety is not the enemy. It is pointing at something real, usually something about identity or old pain or how much is on the line. But it is not the same thing as knowing. And if you have been waiting for the fear to go away before you can hear your intuition clearly, you might be waiting a long time.

The bread might still be in the oven.

Work with Me

I am accepting new GTM advisory clients and new executive coaching/work doula clients.

I also offer a free, hour-long work retreat every month. It’s a chance to pause and reflect through writing (just like I described above), and it works great as a tool to separate signal from noise and anxiety from intuition.

Save Your Spot

I am not currently taking new clients for fractional and interim marketing and GTM leadership roles, but if you’d like to get on my waiting list for summer 2026, I’d love to chat.

I started running short workday retreats about 15 months ago to give busy professionals protected time to slow down and think. I’ve offered these sessions privately, through Pavilion, and with GTM teams. The format has stayed simple because it works.

The Inner Compass for Leaders series is for people who are capable, thoughtful, and tired of pretending they should already know what comes next. It is for leaders who make decisions all day long and rarely get time to reflect without an agenda attached. Sign up for one, two, or all of the sessions. Whatever speaks to you.

What to expect

Each retreat is one hour. The group is intentionally small.

We use short writing prompts and strengths-based reflection to explore what you are wrestling with at work. Writing slows you down enough to separate what is true from what is just noise.

We start quietly. No icebreakers, forced sharing, or small talk. I offer a short frame to ground us in the day’s theme, then we write with timed prompts and no overthinking. You do not need to be a writer. Writing is simply the tool.

You share if you want to. You pass if you do not. Only I provide feedback. That boundary keeps the space free of advice-giving and misinterpretation.

You leave with clarity you can feel in your body and one next step that actually belongs to you.

This is not therapy. It is not traditional coaching. It is structured reflection with people who take their work and inner lives seriously.

See the full schedule

2026 Sessions

January 9: Clearing Space for 2026

Before you rush into goals or planning, this hour helps you look at what you want to carry into the new year and what you’re ready to set down.We’ll pause long enough to notice the habits and expectations shaping your choices. Writing exercises will help you cut through the noise, name what matters now, and identify one grounded shift that changes how you enter 2026.

Register for the Reset

January 23: Creating Boundaries at Work

Many leaders hold emotional weight that isn’t theirs. It shows up as resentment, exhaustion, and the feeling of being stretched too thin. This session helps you see the difference between real support and subtle over-functioning. You’ll use short reflection prompts and light coaching to spot where your boundaries slip, why you pick up what isn’t yours, and what a healthier pattern could look like in daily practice.

Register to learn how to set boundaries at work

February 13: Middle Age, New Ambitions

Midlife brings a recalibration most people feel long before they name it. The goals that drove you for years may no longer match who you’re becoming. In this session, you’ll write about the ambitions you buried, the ones returning, and the ones taking new shape as your priorities shift. The focus is clarity without pressure and possibility without performance.

Register to explore your changing ambition

February 26: The Evolving Leader

You’ve changed, but your leadership habits may still belong to an older version of you. This session helps you examine that gap with honesty. Through a mix of writing, coaching, and quiet reflection, you’ll explore the identity you’ve outgrown, the one emerging, and the shifts you’ve been avoiding. The goal is leadership that feels aligned, steady, and lived from the inside out.

Register to define how your leadership style is changing

March 6: Managing Work Conflict

Conflict shapes every team and every individual leader, whether it’s avoided or overused. This session helps you understand your own patterns and the cost of staying silent or reactive. You’ll work through a series of short writing exercises that reveal the conversations you postpone, the dynamics that trigger you, and the approaches that help you stay steady when conflict shows up.

Register to explore the conflict you’re avoiding or escalating.

March 26: The March Work Pause

Q1 moves quickly. Goals tighten, expectations rise, and the year starts to shape itself.

This session gives you a quiet place to reflect before you slide into Q2 on momentum alone. You’ll use focused writing time to look at what’s formed so far, what’s stretched you, and which patterns you don’t want to repeat. You’ll leave with one insight that helps the next quarter feel more intentional.

Register to wrap up your Q1 with reflection

See the full schedule

Attend if you’re . . .

• Successful on paper but sensing something’s missing

• Navigating burnout, restlessness, or constant change

• Facing a tough decision you’ve been avoiding

• Living through a season of change, transition, or quiet questioning

• Craving energy, clarity, and relief from the noise

• Carrying emotional weight that no one sees

• Working in a culture where you feel flattened or erased

Changes in 2026

I’m trying something different in 2026, and there are three changes:

1. Themes: The sessions all have specific themes instead of being more generic work pauses.

2. Lengths: They are one-hour long instead of two hours, to make it easier for you to unplug and give yourself the time with no interruptions

3. Cost: In 2026, these workshops (which have been free for 15 months) are moving toward a paid model with a nominal fee. People sign up for free events, but attendance rates are low. That dynamic doesn’t serve the people who actually want to be there. To keep the workshops accessible, I will refund the fee if you attend. You pay to hold the seat. You get your money back by showing up. If you do not attend, there is no refund.

Please join me

If this work speaks to you, choose a session or two and claim your seat.

Do not wait until things feel urgent or broken. These retreats work best when you give yourself space before you hit the wall, resentment calcifies, and decisions harden by default.

Each session stands alone. You can come once or return again and again as your questions change.

If you are looking for advice, quick fixes, or someone to tell you what to do, this is not for you.

If you are willing to slow down, tell the truth on paper, and leave with one clear next step, you will get a lot from this.

The groups are small. Seats are limited by design.

You can view the full schedule and register here.

P.S. Is this a weird thing to do? If you want to help me get the word out about the workshops to your network, I have some social media posts you can share.

I have some posts for people who have taken my workshops before, and some for people who have worked with me and just want to get the word out.

Thanks in advance for your help!

At the end of the year, we like to reflect on our successes: what worked, what we grew, and what we’re proud of.

Naming wins isn’t shallow; it can be a valuable reminder that we ARE actually moving forward despite sometimes feeling stuck. It can be particularly important for people who can get stuck in negative thought loops.

However, there is no shortage of places to celebrate. I’m seeing 2025 achievement lists everywhere on LinkedIn, in my email inbox, in Zoom gatherings, and in Slack channels. And we should reflect on success. Truly.

What gets far less airtime is what ended.

I’m not talking about the tidy kind of change we like to talk about. “I got fired, but I started my own business, and now I’m so much happier.” Not growth arcs or pivots that make sense in hindsight.

I am thinking about the things that just . . . STOP . . . sometimes quietly, often without your fucking permission, and leave you standing there trying to understand what exactly you are supposed to do with the absence.

That quieter kind of ending rarely makes it into a year-end reflection unless it can be reframed quickly. That’s ok, it can be too vulnerable to share.

The year is winding down. The shortest day of the year is fast approaching. Let’s make some space for endings.

*****

From 2023 through 2025, my life has been shaped by endings. There were beginnings too, of course. And yes, I can point to growth and redemption. But the endings have fucking loud, my friends. They have asked for more attention than I expected and more energy than I often felt I had to give.

Before I even start listing my endings, I want to rush to tell you I am okay now! I am better off! I have grown! They were all leading to a higher purpose! All true, but that’s now, with a lot of time and space and healing. Part of getting to that better place was sitting with the endings without trying to make sense of them too quickly.

*****

In 2023, my marriage ended. A serious hiking injury and nearly two-year recovery closed the door on certain kinds of physical movement I loved. My dog died. My oldest child left home.

Since then, there has been more loss. A job I cared deeply about came to an end. Some working relationships fell away. A personal relationship that did a lot of quiet healing for me ended painfully. I got fired from a fractional gig. Another fractional gig I loved and enjoyed came to a natural conclusion. Someone I loved working with got fired unceremoniously (and in my view, unfairly). My forties are about to end (I turn 50 in February).

None of these endings wrapped up cleanly or easily. These endings unfolded the way real ones often do, stretched out over time, tangled up with logistics, decisions, second-guessing, grief, and a lot of reliance on my ride-or-die people.

And here’s where I transition to work, because I think you’re reading this Substack not to read about how much my life resembles a country song but because of what I can share about making leadership more human.

Typically at work, we reward starts and beginnings: new strategies, initiatives, roles, pipeline, connections, careers, products, launches.

Endings, by contrast, are often handled quietly or not at all.

I have watched a senior leader leave in the middle of a packed quarter, their responsibilities redistributed in a spreadsheet that never quite gets discussed. There is a short all-hands with careful language. Then everyone is expected to move on. Nothing is formally closed; no one really says goodbye.

I went through an acquisition that completely changed the company's culture, led to massive layoffs, and meant several projects I was passionate about were shelved. The bright side: we all made some money! But we lingered so long on the bright side we never really dealt with the real grief of what was lost: the very fabric of a company we all loved.

(Buy me a drink sometime, and I’ll tell you about the utter douchebag who acquired us and how his antics reminded me of an SNL skit about a 28-year-old CEO in Silicon Valley. I think my non-disparagement clause has probably expired . . .???)

I’ve seen a product launch that people devoted literal sweat and tears to. . . fail. Just fall flat on its face with no explanation. There was a corporate pivot and a retro, but no real space for the actual ending.

A few months later, it showed up anyway. People hesitated. Energy dipped. Trust felt eroded, even if no one could quite explain why. The ending never finished, so it kept intruding on the present.

That residue-of-the-ending-that-never-really-ended becomes especially noticeable in December, when everything ir rushed and compressed. Everyone is so tired and overwhelmed, yet still trying to cosplay JOY and GRATITUDE and CHEER and SILVER LININGS and BRIGHT SIDES and QUOTAS AND GOALS AND ROI.

Many of the people I talk to every day are ending the year with a quiet grief they do not quite know how to name.

Maybe this is selection bias- people tend to call me when they’re having a hard time, not when they are high on life. Or maybe it is simply the moment we are in.

The people who call me are talking about work that disappointed them, identities that no longer fit, or a relationship to their job that has shifted without their consent. Sometimes they’re talking about how wider societal violence, political instability, and economic unrest makes acting normal at work feel impossible. There is no shortage of reasons to struggle this December.

*****

Over the last few years, I have been experimenting with a way of working with endings.

There are three parts:

1. Intentionality: Name the ending without dressing it up. This is over. This chapter is done. This role no longer exists in the same way. No rush to explain why the ending was good for you or what you learned or why you’re better off. No forced gratitude.

2. Processing: Tell the truth about what it cost and what it gave. Not the highlight reel version. The human one. What hurt? What do you miss?

3. Spaciousness: Resist the urge to fill the gap immediately. Let the quiet hang around a little longer than feels productive. Trust that something needs time to settle before it turns into clarity.

Teams need this space. Leaders need it. Organizations need it, especially at the end of the year. I’ve used this framework on my own and with individual clients. I wonder what would happen if a leader used it with their team and actually let everyone have feelings about an ending rather than just rushing to manage perceptions.

You do not need to make this year inspiring before you are allowed to leave it behind.

*****

If you want to explore an ending instead of skipping over it, here are a few writing prompts to sit with. Set a timer. Write without fixing or reframing.

• What ended for me this year that I keep minimizing or avoiding naming?

• If I said, “This is over,” what reaction would show up in my body?

• What did this ending cost me that I have not fully admitted yet?

• What did it give me that complicates the story I usually tell?

• What am I trying to outrun by staying busy or positive?

• What am I rushing to fill right now?

• What would it look like to let this ending stay unfinished a little longer?

• What might become clearer if I stopped asking this ending to turn into a lesson?

There will be time to celebrate. There usually is.

Endings ask for honesty first.

*****

Here’s a full writing prompt to help you explore endings (google doc).

Here’s the folder with all the writing prompts I use in my Inner Compass for Leaders and Work Pause workshops. (Google drive folder)

*****

As this year closes, I am not wishing you tidy endings or silver linings. I am wishing you endings that are honest enough to be felt, and slow enough to actually finish.

*****

Join Me for a Work Day Retreat

If this piece stirred something for you, you may want space to think instead of rushing to fix it.

I host small workday retreats for people navigating change, pressure, and uncertainty at work. They are quiet, facilitated spaces to slow down, reflect, and make sense of what is shifting, without needing to perform clarity or optimism.

After 18 months of offering them for free to hundreds of people, these sessions are moving to a paid model so I can keep the groups small and protect the container. The fee is refunded if you attend. You are paying to hold the seat. You get your money back by showing up.

Upcoming Sessions:

• January 9 – Clearing Space for 2026: Step back from noise and create room to think clearly.

• January 23 – Creating Boundaries at Work: Identify what you need to protect and where you are leaking energy.

• February 13 – Middle Age, New Ambitions: Explore how your goals and drive are shifting.

• February 26 – The Evolving Leader: Examine how your leadership identity is changing.

• March 6 – Managing Work Conflict: Understand your patterns in challenging conversations.

• March 26 – The March Work Pause: Reflect on the first quarter before moving into the next.

If one of these feels timely, you can find details and register here:

Save Your Spot

When I saw the headline “Did Liberal Feminism Ruin the Workplace” from The New York Times, I knew exactly what I was walking into.

It is catnip for me. I cannot NOT click. I know it will piss me off. I’ve been trying not to think about it or write about it here on Substack since I saw it . . . yet here we are.

The podcast was a debate over whether too many women in positions of influence have weakened our institutions, making them emotional and irrational. Ross Douthat’s guests, conservative commentators Helen Andrews and Leah Libresco Sargeant, took turns describing the supposed damage women have done to law, media, academia, and even veterinary medicine.

Give me strength.

Andrews argued that “wokeness,” especially #MeToo, was a female pathology, a symptom of emotion overtaking logic. Sargeant offered a softer scold: women, she said, have been hurt by a system that forces them to act like men rather than embrace their natural dependence on men and their innately nurturing roles.

Douthat nodded along, musing innocently whether the world might work better if we simply had more masculine workplaces again.

What an original idea that no one has ever had before.

And yet, buried inside the horseshit and hand wringing, there are a few kernels worth examining, not because they support the central thesis, but because they dismantle the entire premise and point directly toward the unfinished work of feminism in the workplace.

1. The world of work WAS built for men.

Agree!

On this, they are right. The modern workplace was designed for uninterrupted labor, externalized care, and the assumption that someone else would handle life’s daily maintenance. Women were invited in but rarely allowed to redesign the blueprint. Equality meant access, not transformation.

Conservatives use this to argue women do not belong. But the real conclusion is that the system itself is outdated. Feminism is not about fitting women into male structures. It is about rebuilding those structures to fit humans.

2. Dependence is not weakness.

Agree!

Sargeant’s language about the “dignity of dependence” could easily tip into sanctifying female submission, but here is the truth it distorts: we are all dependent. On care workers. On the planet. On people we never meet.

Our culture treats dependence as shameful and autonomy as holy. That’s capitalism’s favorite lie. Feminism at its best has always understood that freedom and interdependence aren’t opposites. They’re twins.

The conservative impulse is to trap women inside dependence. The progressive mistake is to pretend we can outgrow it. The task is to name dependence as human, not gendered. To make care reciprocal, not invisible.

3. Wokeness DID overcorrect.

Agree!

Andrews calls #MeToo hysteria. That is wrong and cruel. It dismisses an entire generation of women who risked their careers and reputations to name harm that had long been protected by silence.

But she is not wrong that some institutions handled the moral reckoning badly.

Many companies replaced rigor with fear, curiosity with performance, and accountability with spectacle.

Instead of learning to hold complexity (for example, distinguishing between a pattern of abuse and an awkward encounter), many organizations defaulted to legal theater or PR choreography. They outsourced justice to HR. They punished individuals instead of examining systems. They measured virtue in compliance forms, Slack slogans, and sexual harassment training videos that haven’t been updated since the 90s.

That is not feminism and it’s not wokeness and it didn’t happen because women are in charge. It is risk management disguised as progress.

Real, intersectional feminist reckoning is slow, relational, and demanding. It requires discernment, not dogma. It asks people to grow, not just apologize.

4. The masculinity crisis is real.

Agree!

When Andrews talks about men’s “warrior bands,” she’s referring to a theory that men evolved to form small, cooperative fighting groups, tight hierarchies organized around risk, loyalty, and shared purpose. These groups, she argues, trained men to tolerate conflict, respect authority, and find identity in collective struggle. Her nostalgia for “warrior bands” is really nostalgia for a time when masculinity felt organized and useful and women were dependent on it.

Beneath the pseudo-anthropology is a real grief. She’s naming a real loss, just misdiagnosing its cause: men have lost meaningful paths to purpose and interdependence. The main remaining initiation ritual is professional success, and even that is crumbling.

But women have lost initiation, too. Both men and women are wandering without rites.

That isn’t the fault of feminism. It’s the fallout of capitalism, disconnection, and the disappearance of community.

The answer isn’t to rebuild hierarchy. It’s to rebuild belonging.

***side note

Not sure where to put this in an essay dashed off in a rage, but “women” and “feminists” are not interchangeable terms. Saying more women merely existing in a workplace makes it feminist is like saying your office is sustainable because you gave every cubicle a plant.

I like bell hooks’ definition of feminism: “Feminism is a movement to end sexism, sexist exploitation, and oppression.”

Also, feminism and wokeness are not synonyms.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

This is not a crisis; it’s an assignment

Even as I reject their framing, I can see some fundamental truths on which we agree.

Work still worships disconnection.
Our culture still prizes autonomy over care.
We still have not built a healthy model of masculinity for a post-patriarchal world.

The difference between us is not what we see. It is what we think it means.
Those are real tensions, but they are not arguments against feminism or wokeness. They are assignments for it.

If feminization means institutions that value care, complexity, and moral imagination, we need more of it, not less. A “feminized” organization does not apologize for emotion. It learns from it. It treats care as design, not performance. It replaces domination with discernment.

In their story, feminism broke the old order and must now be contained.
In my version, the old order was already deeply broken and this so-called feminization could be one of several critical ways to FIX things.

What Douthat and his guests cannot see, and what many progressives forget, is that feminism was never meant to make women fit better inside broken systems. It was meant to make those systems fit all humans better.

Feminization is not decline.
It could be an important avenue for repair.

Work with Me / Write with Me

I am accepting new GTM advisory clients and new executive coaching/work doula clients.

I also offer a free, hour-long work retreat every month. It’s a chance to pause and reflect through writing (just like I described above), and it works great as a tool for both reflective and expressive processors.

Sign up for the Work Pause

I am not currently taking new clients for fractional and interim marketing and GTM leadership roles, but if you’d like to get on my waiting list for spring, 2026, I’d love to chat.

Now, enjoy some takes from the internet:

“Is there a German word for typing something into an AI prompt and immediately knowing the answer because making the question clear for AI triggered your brain to solve it?”

Yes! This happens to me all the time. Often, I’ll start explaining a dilemma to my best friend, and halfway through the sentence, I realize I already know what to do. (Do I still talk her ear off for an hour? Yes, yes I do.)

It’s not that she gives me the answer or tells me what I should do. It’s that the act of framing the question for HER jolts something loose for ME.

Watching how that happens in myself and my clients, I’ve started thinking about the two main ways people find clarity.

Two Ways of Knowing

Reflective processors find clarity in stillness. They think best in quiet, through journaling, meditation, or solitary walks.

Expressive processors find clarity in community. They think best by speaking, writing, getting feedback, brainstorming, or simply getting it out.

Either method can lead to fast or slow decisions, good or bad choices, confidence or doubt. The method of processing or decision-making has little to do with the quality of the decision; it’s just the way we get there.

Most of us have a dominant mode, but we all contain both. The real power comes from recognizing which one we’re using and when it’s helping or hindering us.

My Own Style

I’m an expressive processor. If I have a decision to make, I need to talk about it with five people. They don’t even need to give advice. It’s the act of explaining that helps me sort out where my own head is.

I have my “councils.” There’s a personal council and a work council. I rely on my personal council more because, after thirty years in the working world, I usually know what I’m doing. But after forty-nine years as a human, I still have no idea what I’m doing in my personal life.

My council doesn’t tell me what to do. They affirm, challenge, question, and advise—but mostly, they listen and pressure test while I figure it out.

A Quick Self-Test

For each pair, notice which one sounds more like you most of the time.

• When I’m stuck, I pause and take a walk. / When I’m stuck, I talk it out.

• I feel calmer after journaling or having quiet, reflective time. / I feel calmer after a good conversation.

• I prefer to reflect before deciding. / I prefer to decide so I can reflect after.

• I gain clarity by thinking things through on my own. / I gain clarity from talking things through with others.

• I trust what I know when I feel settled. / I trust what I know when I’ve said it out loud.

If you mainly picked the first column, you lean reflective.
If you picked mostly from the second, you tend to be expressive.
If you’re somewhere in between, congratulations, you may already know how to balance both and I bet you always got the middle category whenever you took a quiz in Cosmo or Sassy Magazine (am I dating myself?).

The point isn’t to categorize yourself or that one is better or worse. It’s to notice the conditions under which your own wisdom tends to emerge.

The Gifts and Shadows of Each Style

Every processing style carries wisdom, and every one has potential traps.

Reflective Processing

The Gifts

• Depth and discernment that come from inner knowing, experience, or data rather than from outside opinions

• Emotional regulation and a willingness to take time to metabolize before responding

• Sensitivity to context and the ability to see nuance where others see noise

• Steadiness during chaos; a groundedness that calms teams

• Skill in pattern recognition and information synthesis; seeing long arcs others might miss

The Traps

• Overthinking and rumination that feel like reflection but actually keep you stuck

• Ignoring or failing to seek outside opinions, which can lead to drinking your own Kool-Aid

• Emotional bottling; processing alone when connection would help

• Perfectionism or the need to “get it right” before acting

• Mistaking silence for safety; avoiding conflict or visibility

Expressive Processing

The Gifts

• Clarity through articulation; using conversation in community as a bridge between chaos and order

• Energizing collaboration; thinking with others sparks creativity and new solutions

• Rapid iteration and momentum; ideas move quickly into testing and learning will a willingness to experiment publicly and adjust in real time.

• Emotional openness and modeling authenticity in communication

• High relational intelligence; sensing group dynamics while you speak

The Traps

• Relying on external validation instead of internal conviction

• Speaking before thinking; creating noise instead of clarity

• Deferring decisions to avoid the discomfort of choosing

• Oversharing as a way to process emotions that need containment

• Acting too soon and mistaking movement for progress

• Draining quieter team members who need space to form ideas

When I coach leaders, I often see reflective processors who seem calm but are stuck in loops of overthinking or insulated from outside input.

I also see expressive processors who seem bold but are terrified to sit still with uncertainty. (That one is me.)

Why This Matters for Leaders

Corporate culture often rewards those who arrive at clarity fastest. The people who bring a recommendation instead of a reflection, who seem to have already done their thinking elsewhere, are regarded as better leaders. Whether they’re naturally reflective or expressive doesn’t matter as much as the polish of the delivery.

But real leadership requires both modes: the willingness to go inward long enough to form insight, and the courage to bring it outward even when it’s still a little messy.

When teams over-index on reflection, they risk inertia. When they over-index on expression, they risk chaos.

High-functioning teams build space for both. They balance the meeting with the memo, the brainstorm with the quiet hour, the talker with the notetaker.

As a leader, one of the most generous things you can do is help people process in the way that serves them best.

• Give reflective thinkers time to form language before asking for opinions. Don’t assume because they are quiet in a meeting or don’t have an instant reaction to your idea that they aren’t strategic.

• Give expressive thinkers a chance to talk things through without judgment. Don’t assume that because they’re still considering that they lack conviction or foresight.

And know which one you are, because it’s shaping every decision you make.

When Your Style Doesn’t Fit the Room

Knowing your style is one thing. Working in a culture that doesn’t share it is another.

Sometimes our natural way of processing clashes with the environment we’re in. Reflective processors can feel rushed or dismissed in fast-moving organizations. Expressive processors can feel stifled in cultures that prize quiet consensus and polished decks.

If you’re a reflective processor in an expressive world:

• Share your thinking earlier than feels comfortable. You don’t need to have the perfect answer, just a perspective in progress.

• Create “thinking out loud” rituals that still feel authentic. Send a short written reflection before a meeting or ask for five minutes of quiet processing time during one.

• Let others know how you work. Try saying, “I usually need a little time to think about this. Can I circle back later today?” It signals thoughtfulness, not hesitation.

• Don’t confuse your pace with your value. Insight takes time. Sometimes slowing down is the most powerful leadership move you can make.

If you’re an expressive processor in a reflective culture:

• Practice distilling before you deliver. Capture your stream of thought privately first in a journal, a voice note, or a rough draft. Then share the essence.

• Ask permission to think aloud. Framing your style by saying, “I’m going to talk this out for a minute,” helps others follow your process without assuming indecision.

• Balance enthusiasm with curiosity. Pause mid-conversation to ask, “Does this resonate?” or “What am I missing?” so reflective peers can engage.

• Remember that silence isn’t rejection. Some people process inwardly and will bring their response later. Leave room for that.

For everyone:
The goal isn’t to change your natural mode but to develop range. When you can move between reflection and expression, you become easier to follow, easier to trust, and far more effective in complex environments.

Reflection Prompts

Y’all know I love a good writing prompt!

Writing prompts work for both reflective and expressive processors because they meet us in the middle.

For reflective processors, a prompt provides structure and focus for the quiet work of introspection.

For expressive processors, writing becomes a conversation partner . . . it’s a way to “talk it out” on the page without interruption.

Either way, putting thoughts into words transforms them. A prompt helps turn vague knowing into language you can see, hear, and understand.

Or, if you’d rather, here are some questions to consider in writing.

• What kinds of environments help me hear my own thoughts?

• What question have I been carrying that might shift if I said it out loud?

• Where in my life am I mistaking rumination for reflection?

• When was the last time I acted quickly to avoid sitting in uncertainty?

• Whose approval am I unconsciously seeking when I process out loud?

• How does my processing style show up in meetings or decision-making?

• Who on my team processes differently from me, and how could I make space for that?

• What could I try this week that would stretch my default way of thinking?

Work with Me

I am accepting new GTM advisory clients and new executive coaching/work doula clients.

I also offer a free, hour-long work retreat every month. It’s a chance to pause and reflect through writing (just like I described above), and it works great as a tool for both reflective and expressive processors.

Sign up for the Work Pause

I am not currently taking new clients for fractional and interim marketing and GTM leadership roles, but if you’d like to get on my waiting list for spring, 2026, I’d love to chat.

Before we jump into crying at work (fun topic!), check out the new dates listed for my Work Pause hour-long workday retreat in November and December! This is probably the last time these will be free, so grab your spot!

Register for the Work Pause

I’ve cried at work maybe half a dozen times in twenty-five years.
Always against my will.
Often in front of someone I didn’t mean to let see.

And if we’re counting the times I cried behind a closed door, after a meeting, with my Zoom camera off, with a work bestie after hours, or in my car in the parking lot, the number goes way up.

For most of my career, I thought being professional meant staying composed no matter what. I was intensely embarrassed to cry in front of a leader I respected or was trying to impress.

What I would tell my 30-year old self is that tears at work are not weakness. They aren’t even necessarily sadness. Tears can come from frustration, anger, rage, exhaustion, relief, deep care, or the sharp edge of being misunderstood. They can show up when you’ve been holding too much for too long, or when something true finally slips through your defenses. They’re a signal to listen.

When anger leaks out

One of those moments was the year my CEO, someone I genuinely admired, hired an asshole CMO above me. I could have handled that part (I wasn’t ready for the job and didn’t even want it). What I couldn’t handle was how that new leader treated my team. I was watching people I cared about be belittled, burned out, and second-guessed.

I held it together for weeks. I kept my tone calm, my face neutral, my voice even. Then, at a company all-hands, I got wind that the CMO had been advocating for a promotion for a very junior person in another department while telling me I wasn’t ready for a promotion to senior director.

After a few months of this, I went into my CEO’s office just before heading to the airport. Sitting across from him, my fury caught up with me. The tears came before I could stop them. I remember sobbing and insisting, “I’m not sad, I’m really angry at the CMO and at you for letting this happen!”

(Side note: the CMO got fired that afternoon. For YEARS, I thought it was my conversation with the CEO that was the catalyst for his dismissal. I felt very powerful and even a little guilty. I only realized much later that it was clearly already in the works - you don’t fire a CMO on a whim because a director cries in your office. I also -years later- asked that CEO if he thought less of me for crying. He had managed hundreds or maybe thousands of people over his career in IT and SaaS and said he couldn’t count the number of times people had cried in his office, and it didn’t make him think less of them at all. In fact, that CEO continued to promote me and even hired me again later at another job.)

Tears of shame

Another time, I cried after being called out for a mistake in front of colleagues. It wasn’t the end of the world, but I felt exposed and humiliated. The tears came from embarrassment, not fragility. I cared deeply about being seen as competent. I still do.

I was embarrassed by my mistake (the criticism was fair, even if not delivered in the kindest way), and then I was 10x more embarrassed to be tearing up in front of everyone.

Ugh. I can still call up that feeling, and it was terrible. Those particular tears were not in front of safe or empathetic people.

If you’ve never seen the Flight of the Conchords video I’m Not Crying, watch it now and thank me later.

Exhausted tears

Are you enjoying this stroll through the past moments when I lost my shit at work? Here’s one more for you. I was in a toxic situation with another coworker - someone who made every interaction feel like walking through a minefield. I was just so tired of trying to make it work. I was tired of it taking up so much of my time and attention.

I was on a Zoom call with two colleagues, discussing the situation and how to handle it. I didn’t feel like they had my back, and none of us knew how to make it better. I didn’t sob or weep, but my eyes just started to leak and I started to sniffle. I know they saw it.

I didn’t want to leave the company. I cared about the work. But I could feel myself running out of options, out of patience, out of energy. So I cried. Not because I wanted sympathy or attention, but because I had reached the edge of what I could carry alone.

That moment didn’t solve anything, but it cracked something open. It made clear what was unsustainable, and that I couldn’t fix it by being quieter, nicer, or tougher. Sometimes the tears are the thing that finally tells the truth.

The truth about tears and gender and power

Now let’s tell the truth. A lot of colleagues and bosses will look down on you for crying at work. They will think you are less professional, less in control. That’s still the culture most of us work in.

But you can be a different kind of boss. And you can seek out leaders who don’t see emotion as incompetence.

I’ve watched men rage at work. . . slam doors, curse, interrupt, shout . . . and still be seen as powerful. I once worked with a senior leader who told one of his lieutenants to “fuck off” in the middle of a minor disagreement, and no one called him emotional. I watched two male executives get into a shouting match over lunch about a strategy decision, and not a single person doubted their ability to lead.

(It should be noted here that if women feel shitty about crying at work, I think it’s even harder for men to be allowed to show that kind of emotional range in a professional setting.)

When women cry, we’re called emotional. When men rage, it’s leadership.
We still live in a world that punishes tenderness and rewards aggression. And tears aren’t even necessarily tenderness!

But it doesn’t have to stay that way. Every time you choose to stay human at work, you’re quietly undoing that system.

Even so, I have to tell the truth: I would still rather not cry at work. The fear of exposure and judgment runs that deep in me. Maybe it’s my generation. I’m Gen X, raised to keep it together, to show no cracks. I imagine Boomer women learned that lesson even more harshly. I sometimes wonder if Millennials and Gen Z will do it differently . . . if they’ll build workplaces where tears aren’t proof of weakness, but simply proof that a person still feels.

Tears as information

What I know now is that crying at work isn’t a failure of professionalism. It’s information. It’s the body saying, something here matters more than you’ve admitted.

Tears can signal grief, frustration, anger, or care. They can mean you’re out of alignment, or at capacity, or facing something you don’t yet have language for.

I know that sometimes my body knows before my mind does. Tears are data.

A small invitation

If you need a place where it’s safe to bring your whole self to work, even for an hour, you’re welcome at The Work Pause.

It’s a free 60-minute workday retreat where busy leaders take a breath, write for a while, and reconnect with what’s underneath the noise.

There’s a moment in every single session I’ve done when someone stops performing, says something true, and tears come. No one rushes to fix it. No one looks away. We just let it be.

It’s one of my favorite parts of the work. Not because crying is the goal, but because it’s a sign that something fundamental has surfaced. It’s relief. It’s honesty. It’s connection. When one person tears up, it gives everyone else permission to as well.

And it happens in a space that’s safe enough for it.
Not in front of their boss. Not in a meeting where the power dynamics are unclear.

Join Me for a Future Session

Maybe composure isn’t the ultimate goal?

If you’ve ever cried at work or swallowed the lump in your throat until it hurt ask yourself:

• What was that emotion trying to say?

• What needed to be seen that wasn’t?

• Who in your world has earned the right to see you unfiltered?

We talk about “holding it together” as if that’s the mark of a strong leader. But sometimes the real strength getting comfortable with not knowing what to do next.

Crying at work doesn’t mean you’ve lost control.
It just means something true has surfaced, and you haven’t yet decided what to do with it.

Work with Me

If you’re navigating the messy, magical, sometimes overwhelming transitions of your company, GTM strategy, and/or professional life, I’d love to support you. Most leaders have plenty of hustle, what they need is support.

I work with visionary founders and GTM leaders on go-to-market strategy, leadership, clarity, and growth. I’d love to chat about what you need.

I offer:

• Fractional CMO leadership

• GTM Advisory for founders and sales and marketing leaders

• Executive coaching

Learn More About Working With Me

This fall marks the one-year anniversary of my free workday retreats. Some of you may remember them by their first name, How’s Work. I’m very proud that over 150 people have signed up for these workshops, which I’ve offered roughly once a month.

Over the past year, I’ve reimagined and refined them into something that feels truer to what we actually need in the middle of our overstuffed days.

Now they’re called The Work Pause—a 60-minute midday retreat designed for busy professionals who don’t have the luxury of disappearing for a weeklong reset, but know they can’t keep running on empty either.

Learn More about the Work Pause

What Happens in a Pause

Each Work Pause is a small group retreat. We gather for one hour, and that hour is fully off the record. The sessions are never recorded, and what’s said in the group stays in the group. That confidentiality is what allows people to finally exhale and bring what’s actually on their minds . . . not just the polished, LinkedIn-ready version.

The format is simple. I guide you through short journaling prompts (things like “What are you avoiding?” or “Where is your energy actually going this week?”) and then we open up space for reflection and coaching feedback.

Writing is just the tool we use to slow down the mental hamster wheel. You don’t need to be a “writer.” You don’t even need to like writing. You just need to show up with a notebook and a willingness to pause. Plenty of people write lists, stream of consciousness, or sometimes journal entries. Whatever works for you works for me.

People often leave feeling lighter, clearer, and oddly energized—like they’ve taken off a weight they didn’t realize they were dragging around all week. And when you come back a few times, the Work Pause can become a monthly anchor. A reset button you can actually count on.

Register for the Work Pause

Who Should Come

The Work Pause is for you if any of these resonate:

• Successful on paper but sensing something’s missing

• Navigating burnout, restlessness, or constant change

• Facing a tough decision you’ve been avoiding

• Tired of carrying big questions alone

• Curious about a safe, structured space to reflect

• Craving energy, clarity, and relief from the noise

• Open to personal growth, not just professional upskilling

If you’re ambitious, responsible, and secretly (or not so secretly) exhausted—this is for you.

Sign Up

Who Shouldn’t Come

The Work Pause isn’t for everyone. You probably won’t enjoy it if:

• You’re looking for a traditional training, webinar, or lecture (there are no slides, no handouts, and definitely no bullet-point frameworks).

• You want quick-fix productivity hacks. This isn’t about inbox zero—it’s about what’s underneath the noise.

• You’re uncomfortable with reflection or allergic to honesty (yours or other people’s).

• You can’t resist multitasking. If you plan to answer emails on the side, better to free up the spot for someone ready to be fully present.

If you want perfectly packaged takeaways you can present to your boss, this probably isn’t your thing. If you want an hour that feels like exhaling—this is.

The Fall 2025 Schedule

All sessions are free and take place on Zoom:

• Friday, September 12, 12–1 pm ET

• Friday, September 26, 12–1 pm ET

• Wednesday, October 22, 1–2 pm ET

• Thursday, November 12, 11 am–12 pm ET

Free for Now

For this fall, The Work Pause remains completely free—my gift to you. That said, I’ve noticed attendance rates are higher when there’s some skin in the game. Starting in 2026, I plan to charge a nominal fee. Not to make a fortune, but to help ensure that people actually commit to themselves and show up.

On that note, if you sign up, please show up! These are small cohorts and they always fill up. So if you take a spot and ghost us, you’ve taken a spot that could have gone to someone else. Do you feel sufficiently guilt tripped?

How to Join

Reserve your spot, block your calendar, and bring a notebook. That’s it.

Because this isn’t about becoming a better writer. It’s about becoming more honest with yourself—and giving your workday a rare moment of rest.

Reserve Your Spot

FAQ

Can I sign up for more than one session?
Yes. You can come to just one, or you can make this your standing monthly reset. Some people treat it like a massage for their brain. Others drop in when they hit a wall. Both work.

Why do you do this for free?
Two reasons: a virtuous reason and a self-serving reason. The virtuous reason: because I believe ambitious people deserve real support, not just bubble baths and productivity hacks. Right now, this is my way of giving back. The self-serving reason: I am a GTM advisor and executive coach, and sometimes people who attend my free classes decide to hire me for themselves or a colleague. But I promise there is no hard sell.

Do I have to be a good writer?
Absolutely not. This isn’t about writing well; it’s about writing honestly. No one grades you. No one even reads your notebook unless you choose to share. If you can scribble thoughts on paper, you’re qualified.

Do I have to share what I write?
Nope. Sharing is always optional. Sometimes people speak, sometimes they don’t. Either way, the act of writing itself does the work. I do encourage sharing though because some kind of weird alchemy happens when you take something off the page and into a supportive group.

What if I can’t attend after I sign up?
Life happens. But because these groups are tiny, if you cancel late or ghost, you’re taking away someone else’s spot. So if you need to bow out, please let me know as early as possible. Pretty please.

What if I’m nervous about joining?
That’s normal. Most people feel a little self-conscious at first. The group settles quickly once we start, and no one ever regrets showing up.

What do people usually take away?
Clarity on a decision. Relief from carrying something alone. A surprising burst of energy. Sometimes all three.

What if I’m in a different time zone?
Sessions are scheduled in Eastern Time, but we often have people joining from across the U.S. and beyond. If the times don’t work for you this round, stay tuned—I’ll continue offering future retreats at different times.

Can I bring a colleague or friend?
Yes, with a caveat. If you work closely together, you might prefer different sessions so you can speak freely. But if you both want to join, just have them register separately.

Are you ready to sign up already?

What Past Participants Say

Over the past year, I’ve heard a wide range of reflections—some deep, some surprising, some that made me laugh out loud. A few favorites:

• “I signed up thinking this was going to be another productivity workshop. Instead, I found myself crying over a question about what I was avoiding. And somehow, that felt better than getting another tip on email hacks.”

• “I didn’t expect to enjoy writing anything down. And actually, I didn’t like it. But the prompts pulled out stuff I didn’t know was swirling around in my head. It’s like Sarah tricked me into telling myself the truth.”

• “I kept waiting for the awkward icebreaker or PowerPoint slides. They never came. Thank God. Sarah just held the space in a way that made everyone relax—even the introverts like me.”

• “The best part? Nobody here was pretending. It’s rare to sit in a professional space and feel like you don’t have to wear armor. I left feeling lighter than I have in months.”

• “I feel like I needed this, but I feel like some of the assholes I work with needed it even more. Can I sign them up anonymously?”

Some people laugh, some cry, most do a bit of both. The common thread: everyone walks away clearer, less weighed down, and a little more human than when they arrived.

Grab Your Spot

Who Is Sarah?

I call myself a Work Doula. After 25 years in sales, marketing, and go-to-market leadership roles—from scrappy startups to Fortune 500s—I realized most professionals don’t need more hustle. They need more support.

I’ve been a VP of Sales, a CMO, a consultant, and an executive coach. I’ve worked alongside names you’d recognize—Madeleine Albright, Adam Grant, Sangram Vajre—and just as many brilliant people you’ve never heard of who taught me as much or more.

These days, I help ambitious leaders untangle the messy, magical, often overwhelming world of work. The Work Pause is one of my favorite ways to do that, because it’s simple, honest, and human. No slides. No jargon. Just an hour that gives you back a little bit of yourself.

And for the record: I don’t have all the answers. But I’m very good at asking the kind of questions that help you find yours.

Some even brag about it. “We’re lean,” they say. “We’re scrappy.” Which is often code for: we’ve outsourced judgment to a robot and hired someone to run the calendar. This approach is usually paired with a CEO who thinks they can be the part-time CMO, because how hard is it anyway?

And maybe—uncomfortable as it is to admit—some of this is on us. Too many CMOs have positioned themselves as executors rather than strategic partners. We’ve over-indexed on campaign production, attribution reports, and launch checklists, while leaving the hard conversations about market direction, business model, and positioning to someone else. If all a founder or CEO has ever seen from marketing is a steady stream of “deliverables,” it’s no wonder they think ChatGPT and their own clever founder brain could do the job.

AI Is a Tool, Not a Strategy

It’s an understandable temptation. Large language models are remarkably good at sounding smart. They can spit out polished plans, messaging guides, and content calendars that look like the real thing. I’ve seen CEOs type “write a B2B marketing plan for enterprise SaaS” and get something surprisingly convincing.

But that’s not strategy. That’s scaffolding. Without someone experienced to challenge, refine, and prioritize—not just carry out orders—all you have is a well-structured guess.

What Real Strategy Looks Like

Strategy isn’t just about what you say—it’s about what you see. It’s knowing your buyers beyond the persona deck—their hesitations, ambitions, and politics. It’s balancing the pressure for quick pipeline with the patience to build long-term brand credibility. It’s making the right trade-offs when everyone wants everything, and staying steady when nothing is going to plan. It’s arguing with the CEO when they have a bad idea that no one else will challenge.

No AI can feel the temperature of a room, sense when a GTM motion is off-track, or navigate the subtle currents of internal politics. No prompt can broker trust between departments, rally a tired team, or spot the quiet signal that says now is the moment for a bold bet.

The Problem Isn’t AI in Marketing. It’s Thinking AI Is Marketing.

To be clear, I use AI every day. It’s brilliant for speed, for testing ideas, for sparking fresh language. But AI is a tool, not a decision-maker. It can’t carry the weight of leadership.

What worries me most is when CEOs use AI not to support marketing, but to replace it—believing their own marketing instincts are enough, and all that’s needed is a few juniors to “make it happen.” The logic goes: if we can generate a plan, we don’t need someone to create one. If we can produce content, we don’t need a storyteller. If we can automate campaigns, we don’t need strategy.

That logic misses the point entirely.

Tools Help. Leaders Lead.

So yes, use the tools.

But don’t confuse the ability to generate a plan with the ability to lead one. And don’t mistake having a vision for knowing how to get it across the finish line.

You didn’t hire your marketing leader because they type fast or make pretty decks.

You hired them because they can hold tension. Make bets. See around corners. Calm down the team and pivot when the shit hits the fan. Name what’s not working. And guide your team through the fog with clarity and courage.

If you think AI and a couple of juniors can do that, I have a prompt for you:
“Make me a CEO who doesn’t need a CMO.”

I’ll wait to see what it gives you.

Work with Me

If you’re navigating the messy, magical, sometimes overwhelming transitions of your company, GTM strategy, and/or professional life, I’d love to support you. Most leaders have plenty of hustle, what they need is support.

I work with visionary founders and GTM leaders on go-to-market strategy, leadership, clarity, and growth. I’d love to chat about what you need.

I offer:

• Fractional CMO leadership

• GTM Advisory for founders and sales and marketing leaders

• Executive coaching

Learn More About Working With Me

The successes are fun to communicate. You get to look polished. Capable. Strategic.
But how do you tell the powers that be about a f*ckup?

I’d find myself either over-explaining (“Let me give you the full context of everything that led us to this moment…”) or overcompensating (“We’re fine! Everything’s fine!”). Neither one worked.

When I over-explained, people nitpicked. Anyone who has worked with me knows I’m more likely to over-complicate than under-complicate. As a mentor once said about me, “With Sarah, more is more.” But when I glossed over the problem, people lost trust.

When a project fails, it’s easy to feel like you have failed. Like the missed deadline or the bad number or the stalled launch is somehow proof that you’re not cut out for this.

But the truth is that: projects fail all the time. Markets shift. Resources get pulled. Teams miscalculate. That doesn’t make you a failure—it makes you a leader in a real, imperfect world.

Your value as a leader isn’t measured by flawless execution. It’s measured by how you respond when things don’t go to plan. Can you stay grounded? Can you take ownership without shame? Can you keep thinking clearly even when the outcome isn’t what you hoped? That’s leadership. Not the outcome—but the way you show up in the aftermath.

Where the 4 Ps Came From

I didn’t invent the 4 Ps because I wanted a clever acronym. I came up with them after walking out of a disastrous project update where I’d tried to manage the optics instead of managing the message. I was vague(trying to convince the CEO the miss wasn’t as big as he thought it was). Defensive (if there was a miss, it was definitely not my fault). Over-prepared in the wrong ways (check out all these metrics on impressions that absolutely did not lead to one single demo). And by the end of it, I could feel the room pull away from me.

Later, after a few honest conversations (and maybe an angry cry between Zoom meetings), I realized I hadn’t failed because the project was off-track. Yes, it’s true, the project was off-track. But that happens and is to be expected. I failed because I wasn’t clear with my update. I wasn’t grounded. I wasn’t leading.

Eventually, through coaching and some painful trial and error, I landed on a structure I still use to this day when I need to communicate hard truths without losing credibility.

The 4 Ps: A Framework for Clear, Credible Updates

1. Position: What’s at stake?
Open with a single sentence that defines the goal. No backstory, no preamble.

“We were aiming to launch the new product by June 1 to influence Q3 pipeline.”

2. Problem: What’s not working—and where can you own it?
Name the issue, and take accountability. Even if it’s someone else’s mess, leadership means claiming your piece of it.

“We’re off track due to delays in legal review. That’s on me—I underestimated how long it would take.”

3. Plan: What are you doing about it?
Offer a forward-looking response. Even a partial plan is better than silence.

“I’ve revised the timeline, pulled in extra support, and we’re now tracking for June 30.”

4. Perspective: How are you thinking strategically?
Zoom out and show that you’re not just reacting—you’re thinking like a leader.

“We’re also identifying additional ways to drive pipeline in July in case this delay creates a downstream lag.”

This isn’t just about the content of your update—it’s about what your message signals:

I see the problem. I’ve taken action. I’m still thinking big picture.

When You Don’t Have the Answer Yet

Here’s something no one tells you early in your career: you’re allowed to NOT KNOW YET. You’re allowed to NOT HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS. You’re allowed to ASK FOR HELP solving problems.

The key is to pair that uncertainty with clarity, ownership, and curiosity.

You might say:

“We’re off track and I don’t yet have the right solution. I’m looking at a few paths and will circle back with recommendations by Friday.”

“I’m running point on this and bringing in [person or team] to help evaluate next steps.”

“This is bigger than I anticipated. I’d like to use our next check-in to get your input on how we might solve it together.”

When you admit you don’t have the answer—but show that you’re not hiding from the problem—you send a powerful message that you aren’t frozen, defensive, or clueless. You’re leading.

We don’t build confidence by pretending we know everything. We build it by showing up with honesty, one clear decision at a time.

Bonus: Add a Color

If you’re a visual thinker—or if your stakeholders are—try adding a simple status color when reporting on multiple projects:

• Green = On track

• Yellow = At risk, but being managed

• Red = Off track, needs support or shift in plan

So instead of saying, “We’re behind but it’s okay,” you say:

“This project is tracking Red. Here’s what I’m doing to move us back to Yellow, and eventually Green.”

It’s a tiny shift. But it signals ownership, judgment, and calm—three things every senior leader wants more of.

On Sandbagging and Overcompensating

I used to think the most responsible thing I could do was underpromise and overdeliver. Keep expectations low, then dazzle everyone with the results.

I have been guilty of doing this in my personal life, too. My kids joke about how I always try to lower their expectations for a holiday so I can more easily impress them. It’s a cheap trick!

Turns out, that’s just another flavor of manipulation. It’s sandbagging. And it erodes trust just as quickly as overpromising does—because it signals that I don’t trust my team to handle the truth, and I don’t trust myself to meet a real goal.

Trying to game the system—by managing perception instead of communicating reality—will always backfire. People feel it. And eventually, it catches up to you.

Leadership doesn’t require perfection. It requires clarity. Ownership. And the courage to tell the truth before you have the resolution.

If You’re Sitting on a Hard Update…

If you’re dreading a conversation this week—if you’ve been telling yourself you have to clean it up, spin it, or work a little harder to “make it look okay”...

Pause. Take a breath.

You don’t have to be perfect to be powerful. You just have to tell the truth with a steady voice.

And if you do have a good leader, they’ll see that for what it is: not weakness, but wisdom.

Let me know if you use this. I’d love to hear how it lands.

Here is a fill-in-the-blanks version of the 4 Ps (it’s just a Google doc you can save and edit).

Writing Prompt

For those of you who like to explore through writing, here’s a prompt:

Think of a time you had to deliver a hard update at work.

• What was at stake?

• What wasn’t going well?

• How did you share it—or avoid sharing it?

• What did you learn about yourself as a leader in that moment?

Now try writing the update again—this time using the 4 Ps.

How does it feel to say it differently?

What shifts when you lead with clarity instead of perfection?

Work with Me

If you’re navigating the messy, magical, sometimes overwhelming transitions of your company, GTM strategy, and/or professional life, I’d love to support you. Most leaders have plenty of hustle, what they need is support.

I work with visionary founders and GTM leaders on go-to-market strategy, leadership, clarity, and growth. I’d love to chat about what you need.

I offer:

• Fractional CMO leadership

• GTM Advisory for founders and sales and marketing leaders

• Executive coaching

Learn More About Working With Me

It was fear. Fear of being wrong, sitting in uncertainty, not being decisive enough, not having enough experience or information to make good decisions in a chaotic world that is changing moment by moment.

We’re told that great leaders are decisive. That quick action signals confidence and clarity. But decisiveness—on its own—is not necessarily leadership. Sometimes, it’s just a way to avoid the discomfort of not knowing yet.

That’s certainly been true for me.

When Action Becomes Avoidance and the Myth of Failing Fast

When I’m not sure what to do, I rush into action.
Not necessarily thoughtful action. Not aligned, intentional action. Just… action.
The kind that quiets the discomfort. The kind that lets me feel in control.

It doesn’t even have to be the right decision. I just need it to be a decision.
Send the email. Make the call. Say yes. Say no.
Move. Decide. Do something.

This impulse is only reinforced by the popular business mantra: fail fast. We're told that speed is a virtue. That action, even if it's wrong, is better than hesitation. And sometimes, that’s true. But for those of us who already move too quickly, “fail fast” doesn’t encourage bold experimentation. It just gives our discomfort a new disguise. It tells us that movement is always progress, when sometimes, it’s just avoidance, wearing a badge of productivity.

It appears to be competence from the outside. But inside? I’m just trying to get away from the squirmy feeling of not knowing wtf to do next or how to do it.

Not All Leaders Need the Same Medicine

When I was in my twenties, one of my closest friends and I were both in therapy at the same time. One evening, sharing a room at a lake house and talking late into the night, we discovered our therapists were giving us conflicting information.

My therapist told me I needed to stop acting and spend more time in consideration.
Hers told her she needed to stop overthinking and take more action.

We spent months wondering whose therapist was “right.” Should I be more like her or should she be more like me?

The answer, of course, was BOTH. We didn’t need the same advice. We needed different truths.

The right advice depends on your patterns, your history, and your default mode under pressure. It never occurred to us that leadership, like therapy, isn’t one-size-fits-all.

Now, more than 25 years later, I’m still learning to slow down, and I can see how my habit of rushing into action is a coping mechanism.

When a situation feels murky or emotionally tense or uncertain, I want it resolved.

But here’s what I’m learning:

• Discomfort is not an emergency.

• Just because something feels urgent doesn’t mean it is urgent.

• Just because I CAN act fast doesn’t mean I SHOULD.

Pausing Isn’t Weakness; It’s Wisdom

These days, I’m trying something different. I’m learning to pause—not forever, and not passively—but just long enough to let discomfort be what it is: discomfort, not danger. Long enough to resist the pull toward premature certainty and instead ask better questions before jumping to answers.

It’s uncomfortable, yes. But it’s not the kind of discomfort that signals a mistake. It’s the kind that signals a shift. A breaking of the pattern.

We often confuse speed with strength. However, some of the strongest leaders I know are those who are willing to wait, hold space for the unknown, and lead from a place of presence rather than performance.

So if you find yourself rushing to decide, to fix, to move—maybe pause. Notice what you’re trying to get away from. And ask yourself: Is this real clarity, or just the performance of decisiveness?

Because decisiveness is not necessarily leadership. But discernment? That’s the work.

Writing Prompts

Want to explore your own decision-making patterns?
Here are two journaling exercises I use with coaching clients and workshop groups to start making better decisions from a place of self-trust and grounded awareness

1. What is your decision-making origin story?

Take 10 minutes to reflect on your personal history with decision-making. Use the questions below as guideposts—you don’t have to answer them all. Follow what feels rich, interesting, or revealing to you.

Part 1: Your Patterns

• When you look back, how would you describe your relationship with decision-making?

• Do you tend to decide quickly or slowly? Alone or with input? With data or intuition?

• Have you historically trusted yourself—or outsourced your knowing to others?

Part 2: A Gut-Based Decision

• Recall one time you followed your gut—maybe even when the facts didn’t line up.

• What gave you the courage or clarity to trust your instinct?

• What happened next?

• What did that experience teach you about your inner compass?

Part 3: A Decision You Regret

• Think of a decision that still feels sticky or unresolved.

• What made that choice feel right—or hard—at the time?

• If you could go back, what might you say to yourself with compassion?

• What gift did that decision give you, if any?

Part 4: Your Decision-Making Strengths

• What do you know for sure about how you make good decisions?

• When are you at your most clear and confident?

• What strengths do you bring to the table that others might miss in themselves?

• How can you rely on those strengths more intentionally?

2. Whose voices are in the room when you make a decision?

When you're on the verge of a big decision—or even a small one—there are often many voices in your head. Some are helpful. Some are loud. Some don’t even belong to you.

Take 10 minutes with these prompts:

The Cast of Characters

• Who are the people whose approval you seek (consciously or unconsciously) when making a decision?

• Who taught you what “good judgment” looks like?

• Who do you fear disappointing?

• Are there voices you still carry with you from past jobs, mentors, or even childhood?

The Internal vs. External

• Which of these voices are truly yours?

• Which voices support your clarity and confidence?

• Which ones cloud it?

The Way Forward

• What would decision-making look like if you turned down the volume on the voices that aren’t yours?

• What do you need to hear more often from yourself?

Work with Me

If you’re navigating the messy, magical, sometimes overwhelming transitions of your company, GTM strategy, and/or professional life, I’d love to support you. Most leaders have plenty of hustle, what they need is support.

I work with visionary founders and GTM leaders on go-to-market strategy, leadership, clarity, and growth. I’d love to chat about what you need.

Learn More About Working With Me

I also lead “How’s Work” workshops every month, open to all. We use writing prompts to explore decision-making, conflict, career, ambition, leadership, change, and work stress.

We’re on a hiatus for summer, but you can sign up to be notified about fall dates when they are posted.

Register for a Free Workshop

That’s OK. Really.

If your gut reaction is something like “Ugh, here we go again…” or “I can’t say anything anymore without being accused of something,” I get it.

This post is for you.

Not to attack you. Not to shame you. But to invite you into a conversation about something real, persistent, and often invisible to men—and exhausting for many women.

You’re not the enemy. And you don’t need to disappear.
But you do need to engage.

If you’ve ever felt confused about why something you said landed the wrong way—or you’re trying to lead teams, raise kids, or be a better partner—read on.

If you work with someone who’s a well-intentioned mansplainer, this post is for you too.

If you’re not and never have been a mansplainer? You can skip this one.
But please: step in when you see it happening.
When you see something, say something.

Even though not all men are mansplainers, all women have been mansplained. If you doubt me, poll the women in your work or personal life and ask them if a man has ever explained something to them in a condescending or dismissive way, especially when she already knows the subject, often better than she does.

Yes, It Still Happens. But Something Else Does Too.

I wanted to include a personal anecdote about being mansplained—but honestly, it’s happened so many times over my 25-year career that the stories mostly blur together.

But one does stand out.

I was a VP of Marketing at a Series C startup when the VP of Technology took it upon himself to explain the difference between inbound and outbound marketing to me.

The punchline? He got it completely wrong.

That moment? That was mansplaining.
Uninvited. Uninformed. Delivered with total confidence and condescension.

More recently, though, I’ve noticed another dynamic. It’s not that mansplaining doesn’t happen anymore—it does—but I’ve also seen more men afraid that anytime they share knowledge, they’ll be labeled a mansplainer.

A solutions engineer I worked with was walking me through deep technical specs—stuff I genuinely didn’t understand and had asked about. Mid-sentence, he paused, laughed nervously, and asked,
“Wait… was I mansplaining you?”

No. I had asked him a question. He had expertise I didn’t.
That’s not mansplaining. That’s being helpful.

So let’s get really clear.

What Mansplaining Isn’t

Nobody wants this term weaponized or misunderstood.

It’s not:

• A man sharing useful information with someone who asked for it

• A man having a different opinion or disagreeing with a woman

• A man teaching something to someone who doesn’t already know it

• A disagreement between people of any gender

And no—it’s not something only men do. Women can interrupt, over-explain, and talk over people too.

But when men do it, it’s often part of a larger pattern—one rooted in history, hierarchy, and unconscious assumptions about who gets to hold the mic.

What Mansplaining Is

Mansplaining is when a man explains something—often uninvited, often incorrectly, often condescendingly—to someone who already knows it. And usually, he does it in a way that disregards or overrides her expertise or lived experience.

What makes it mansplaining isn’t the explanation.
It’s the assumption of superiority—and the patterned dismissal of the other person’s competence.

Examples:

• ✅ A male engineering lead walks a junior designer through a technical concept she’s unfamiliar with: Not mansplaining.

• ❌ A male colleague interrupts a woman mid-sentence to explain her own project back to her: Mansplaining.

• ❌ A man "corrects" a woman on the definition of a term in her field—when she has a PhD in it: Mansplaining.

• ✅ A peer challenges a woman’s strategy with a thoughtful, respectful counterpoint: Not mansplaining.

• ❌ A man repeats a point a woman made five minutes ago, and the group acts like it’s a brand-new insight: Mansplaining-adjacent, rooted in the same dynamic.

Why “Mansplaining” Hits a Nerve

I’ve coached enough men—and partnered with enough of them—to know that the word mansplaining can feel instantly triggering. It makes men feel defensive. I get it.

It can sound like:

• “You’re being punished for sharing your knowledge.”

• “You’re being told to stay quiet.”

• “You’re being labeled as sexist.”

But more often than not, that reaction isn’t about bad intent. It’s about misunderstanding.
So let’s name a few of the most common misperceptions—and what’s actually going on underneath them.

1. “I’m being punished for sharing my knowledge.”

Misperception:
“So now I can’t explain anything without being accused of mansplaining?”

What’s actually going on:
It’s not about explaining. It’s about assuming the other person doesn’t know—without checking—and doing so in a way that reinforces power. It’s not that you spoke. It’s how and when.

2. “It’s just a way to silence men.”

Misperception:
“This is all about making men feel ashamed or afraid to speak.”

What’s actually going on:
It’s not about silence—it’s about making space. Naming a pattern isn’t about shame. It’s about inviting everyone to the table with equal respect.

3. “You’re saying I’m sexist.”

Misperception:
“If I mansplained once, I must be a misogynist.”

What’s actually going on:
Not at all. Calling out mansplaining isn’t a character judgment—it’s naming a learned behavior. We all carry unconscious biases. This is about growth, not blame.

4. “Women do this too!”

Misperception:
“Why is it called mansplaining if women interrupt or over-explain too?”

What’s actually going on:
Yes, women do it too. But mansplaining describes a pattern of behavior that happens in the context of systemic power imbalances. When women do it, it doesn’t carry the same structural weight.

5. “Now I have to walk on eggshells.”

Misperception:
“I can’t even have a normal conversation anymore.”

What’s actually going on:
Nobody’s asking for perfection. Just awareness. Listening, checking in, and staying curious is not walking on eggshells—it’s being a thoughtful communicator.

6. “It’s just a made-up internet term.”

Misperception:
“Mansplaining is just woke nonsense people made up to go viral.”

What’s actually going on:
The word might be new. The behavior? Ancient.
Women have been interrupted, dismissed, and corrected for centuries. The term just gave us a way to name it.

It’s Not Just a Moment. It’s a Mirror of Power.

This isn’t about bruised egos. It’s about who gets heard.

Men still dominate leadership roles, speaking time, and perceived authority. So when a man explains something to a woman who already knows it—especially when he interrupts, overrides, or “corrects” her—it reinforces a deeper message:

You don’t know. I do. Let me take it from here.

That’s not just annoying. It’s erasing.

And for women of color, LGBTQ+ women, and disabled women? That erasure happens faster and hits harder—because the stakes aren’t just interpersonal. They’re institutional. And they’re intersectional.

What Does Weaponized Mansplaining Look Like?

Like any powerful term, mansplaining can be misused. And when it is, it backfires—on everyone.

Here’s what weaponized mansplaining can look like:

1. The blanket shutdown
A man disagrees respectfully and offers data. A woman cuts him off: “Don’t mansplain me.”
👉 That’s avoidance, not accountability.

2. The conversational power play
A man shares expertise—after being asked—and still gets labeled.
👉 That flips the dynamic unfairly.

3. The projection of past harm
A woman, understandably hurt by years of erasure, calls out every male comment as mansplaining.
👉 The hurt is real, but the label loses power when overused.

4. The viral shame cycle
Someone posts a video clip online with no context and calls it “classic mansplaining.”
👉 That’s not justice. That’s performance.

I want to be clear that misuse of the word as not as big a problem as the actual phenomenon itself. But I also want to acknowledge it can be unhelpful at times.

To the Men Who Want to Do Better

If you’re still here, despite being annoyed at me or at the title of this piece, thank you.
That means something.
You’re unlearning habits a power-imbalanced world taught you.

Here’s what doing better looks like:

• Before explaining something, ask: “Would it be helpful if I add a thought?”

• If unsure, try: “How familiar are you with X?”

• Mid-sentence, realize they already know? Say: “Oops—you probably know this already. My bad.”

That’s humility. That’s leadership.

Because when people—especially women—feel seen and respected, everyone’s work improves.

If You’ve Been on the Receiving End of Mansplaining

(and literally every single woman I know has been) . . .

You’re not imagining it. You’re not too sensitive. You don’t need to “let it go.”

It is a real thing to know your stuff and still fight to finish a sentence.
To be ignored—until a man repeats your idea.
To be called emotional for caring deeply.

You don’t need to earn your right to speak.
You already have it.

How Can Women Respond to Mansplaining Without Doing All the Emotional Labor?

This is such an important question—and one that many women wrestle with daily. The key is to protect your own energy while still naming what’s happening (if you choose to). Here are a few approaches, depending on your capacity and the context:

1. The Quick Redirect

Use a calm, neutral tone to reclaim your space—no explaining required.

• “Actually, I’ve got this.”

• “I’m already familiar with that, thanks.”

• “Let me finish my thought.”

• “I’m confident in my understanding.”

Why it works:
It sets a boundary without inviting debate or justifying your knowledge.

2. The Mirror

Reflect the dynamic back without judgment—but with clarity.

• “Interesting—did you mean to explain that to me just now?”

• “You just repeated what I said. Can we stay with my point?”

• “I noticed you jumped in there. Can I finish before we unpack it?”

Why it works:
It makes the invisible visible, without needing a full TED Talk on power dynamics.

3. The Cool, Professional Call-In

If you're up for it—and it’s safe—you can name the pattern without making it personal.

• “That’s something I already know. I’d appreciate if we could move forward assuming my expertise.”

• “That’s a great example of what often happens in conversations like these. Maybe we can all be mindful of that going forward.”

Why it works:
It stays professional and keeps the focus on behavior, not blame.

4. The Non-Engagement Option

Sometimes, the best response is no response at all.

• Eye contact.

• A pause.

• A redirect to the rest of the room.

• Letting the silence speak.

Why it works:
It refuses the emotional labor and avoids giving more airtime to the person dominating.

A Note of Permission

You don’t owe anyone a correction, a lesson, or a gracious call-in.
Your silence doesn’t mean you’re complicit—it might mean you’re tired. And that’s valid.

You can choose what’s sustainable for you in that moment.
Sometimes that means saying something. Sometimes it means saving your energy for someone who deserves it.

Reflect With Me:

• Have you ever caught yourself explaining something someone already knew?

• Have you ever stayed quiet while someone else got credit for your thought?

• What could shift if we practiced asking before explaining?

I’d love to hear from you—especially if you don’t agree.
Let’s stay in the room together.

I loved the project. But from the first call, something felt off.

Their internal marketing team already had good ideas. Smart segmentation thoughts. Honest opinions about what was working and what wasn’t. But when they spoke up in meetings, their ideas landed with a thud. The CEO would nod politely and say, “Let’s wait and see what Sarah thinks.”

I was flattered. But also, a little sick to my stomach.

Because… I was about to recommend the exact same thing.

The Outside Bias Is Real

Here’s the truth: I get listened to, not because I’m necessarily smarter or better, but because I’m not you. I’m not on payroll. I wasn’t there for the last six failed campaigns. I don’t trigger your internal politics. I come in clean.

And yes, that can be incredibly helpful. Sometimes a fresh set of eyes does make all the difference.

But sometimes? I’m just saying what your CMO said three weeks ago. Only now it sounds strategic instead of whiny.

I’ve felt this from both sides.

Once, I started as a consultant and quickly built trust with the CEO. They loved my ideas. Brought me into every meeting. Quoted me in board decks. Then they hired me full-time—and suddenly I was just another “internal voice.” Same insights. Less influence. It was disorienting and, frankly, a little heartbreaking.

Another time, I left a full-time role where I’d been trying to get leadership’s attention on some urgent GTM issues. Nothing. Radio silence. Two months later, they brought me back as a paid advisor—and suddenly those same ideas were “visionary.”

It’s wild how fast perceived value can change—just because your email address does.

Why It Happens in GTM and Marketing

Your head of sales might get more trust because revenue is “hard.” Your customer success lead might be seen as reactive. And your marketing leader—well, if the leads are down or the pipeline’s slow, it’s easy to assume they’re just not cutting it.

So instead of a conversation, they get sidelined. You hire someone like me. And I walk into a room full of brilliant, slightly demoralized people who already had the right instincts.

And then I say them. And you listen.

I’m Still Glad You Hired Me

Let me be clear: I love being an outside consultant. I love helping GTM teams sort through the noise, get unstuck, and move forward with clarity. There’s power in bringing in someone who isn’t mired in the day-to-day drama.

But I don’t want to be a stand-in for your trust.

If you hired a head of marketing, or sales, or customer success because they’re exceptional—then treat them like they’re exceptional. Listen. Create space. Let them finish a sentence without rerouting to the outside playbook.

Because the truth is, GTM isn’t an external strategy. It’s an internal alignment exercise. And the people closest to your customers, your systems, your brand—they have the map.

I might help interpret it. But they drew it.

A Better Way to Work Together

Here’s what works best: when I get hired and your internal team feels seen and valued. When I can say, “Your CMO already nailed this—let’s build on it.” When you treat your people like thought partners, not project managers waiting for orders from above (or outside).

As a Work Doula, I hold space for the hard stuff—conflict, uncertainty, ego, power, fear of getting it wrong. I know how vulnerable it can feel to lead something this visible and messy.

But I also know: if you really want a high-performing GTM function, you can’t outsource your listening.

You have to trust the people you’ve already chosen.

And if you can’t?

Then your next hire isn’t a consultant.

It’s a coach.

Work with Me

If you’re navigating the messy, magical, sometimes overwhelming transitions of your company, GTM strategy, and/or professional life, I’d love to support you. Most leaders have plenty of hustle, what they need is support.

I work with visionary founders and GTM leaders on go-to-market strategy, leadership, clarity, and growth. I’d love to chat about what you need.

Learn More About Working With Me

I also lead “How’s Work” workshops every month, open to all. We use writing prompts to explore decision-making, conflict, career, ambition, leadership, change, and work stress.

I’d love for you to join me.

Register for a Free Workshop

Buying a house. Getting divorced. Choosing a college. Planning a wedding. Starting a company. Ending a job. Losing someone. Burning out.

A doula is someone trained to support you through hard transitions. Not by taking over. Not by fixing. But by holding space, offering guidance, presenting options, and walking alongside you while you do the hard thing yourself.

Most people associate doulas with birth. But anyone who’s ever been overwhelmed by change knows—we need doulas everywhere.

Thérèse and Holly were my birth doulas. I also have an exercise doula (Anna), a divorce doula (Mollie), a tax doula (Jennifer), a parenting teenagers doula (Valley), a sandwich generation doula (Kristi), a selling-my-house doula (Jeanette), a coaching doula (Suzy) a LinkedIn doula (Cory), a spiritual doula (Sonta), and a dozen other doulas for a dozen other things.

So, what is a doula?

A doula is a trained professional who provides help, information, options, and choices to someone who needs support.

Doulas are not merely friends, though they can be. They are people with specific training and experience in whatever you’re doing.

Doulas are most commonly associated with birth and death. But I have felt strongly for a long time that we need doulas for everything hard.

Enter the work doula

I was a birth doula for 5 years. I attended births at night once or twice a month while I was in marketing leadership for a startup during the day. I’ve been bringing that ethos to my professional work more and more in the last decade.

Let’s get one thing out of the way: I’m not here to rub your shoulders during your 1:1s or breathe through contractions in board meetings. If you are expecting me to show up to your Executive Leadership Team meeting in Birkenstocks to smudge the bad energy out of your Series B pitch deck, you’ll be disappointed.

But I am here to support smart, capable people as they navigate big, messy, or meaningful changes at work—whether that’s:

• Stepping into a new leadership role

• Managing a tricky team dynamic

• Figuring out what’s next in your career

• Or just trying to get through the week without burning out

As a Work Doula, I bring:

• The sharpness of an executive coach

• The strategy chops of a GTM leader with decades of experience on the front lines of startup life

• The soul of someone who’s been in the trenches of corporate life and actual birth work

I’ve helped founders reimagine their orgs, marketing execs find their voice, and high-achieving humans slow down long enough to hear what their gut is actually saying.

It’s not therapy. It’s not consulting.
It’s a space to breathe, reflect, plan, cry if needed, and then get back to work with clarity and heart.

Curious? Confused? Slightly intrigued?
Read on.

We need work doulas!

A GTM Consultant helps you grow the business.
They focus on external strategy: messaging, ICP, GTM motions, funnel optimization, pipeline growth, tech stack, and investor-ready plans.

➡️ They focus on the market and the metrics.

An Executive Coach helps you grow as a leader.
They focus on mindset, self-awareness, communication, conflict, and navigating relationships at the top.

➡️ They focus on how you show up at work.

A Work Doula helps you stay human while doing hard things.
You get strategic GTM advice plus emotional support, conflict coaching, honest feedback, and space to breathe during transitions.

➡️ We focus on the whole human at work—because when the human thrives, so does the business.

We need startup doulas! We need GTM doulas! We need finance and HR and sales doulas!

How To Find Your Own Work Doula

Everybody needs a work doula.

It could be a mentor, a colleague, your boss, a trained executive coach, or anyone else who meets the following requirements:

1. Industry or job-relevant experience: They understand enough about what you do to be helpful. This probably excludes family and friends who couldn’t describe your job no matter how hard they tried. It also excludes exec coaches who have never held the leadership roles you’ve held).

2. Honesty: The are unflinchingly on your side, but willing to call you out if needed (be wary of leaning TOO hard on HR resources for this reason, because when push comes to shove, they always have to put the company’s interests above yours-it’s literally their job).

3. Trust: You trust them implicitly and are willing to share your deepest anxieties and work-related concerns with them.

4. Vibes: They make you feel better when you talk to them, even after hard conversations.

The best way to find a work doula is organically: notice if there is someone already in your life who meets all these criteria. Don’t be afraid to lean into them for support, whether formally or informally. Ask them if you could meet with them monthly for 30 minutes to learn from them.

If you don’t have anyone like that already in your life, you can sign up for mentoring through a host of professional communities.

You can hire a professional executive coach (me, for example, or I can suggest other people if you have specific criteria).

Most importantly as you think about who YOUR work doula might be, think about how you can act as a work doula for others in your life by offering them honesty, support, and advice (ONLY IF THEY ASK FOR IT!)

Tell Me Your Thoughts

• Did you know what a doula was before this post?

• Does the idea of doula-style support for work resonate?

• Have you ever had someone play this role in your life?

Drop a comment or shoot me a note.

Work with Me

If you’re navigating the messy, magical, sometimes overwhelming transitions of your company, GTM strategy, and/or professional life, I’d love to support you. Most leaders have plenty of hustle, what they need is support.

I work with visionary founders and GTM eaders on go-to-market strategy, leadership, clarity, and growth. I’d love to chat about what you need.

Learn More About Working With Me

I also lead workshops every month, open to all. We use writing prompts to explore decision-making, conflict, career, ambition, leadership, change, and work stress.

I’d love for you to join me.

Register for a Free Workshop

Power stance. Crisp bullet points. Speak fast. Don’t cry. Don’t hug. Act like you know everything, even when you don’t. Defer to the hierarchy.

It was an era when, for someone like me, being a woman in leadership meant choosing between my authenticity and my authority. I chose authority—or tried to.

A Quick (and Imperfect) Framework

Before we go any further, let me acknowledge that using "male" and "female" leadership styles is reductive and overly simplistic.

Leadership is not gendered, and gender itself is not binary.

Anyone of any gender can embody and express any of these leadership qualities. What we often label as "masculine" or "feminine" traits are just that—labels, not rules.

But for this article, here’s how I’m using the terms:

• Traditionally "male" leadership: assertive, competitive, logical, hierarchical, independent.

• Traditionally "female" leadership: relational, collaborative, emotionally intelligent, intuitive, nurturing.

Neither is better. Both have value. And most of us lead with a blend.

Learning to Lead Like a Man

In the B2B tech world I entered, leadership was about driving results, owning the room, and not letting anyone see you sweat. That meant being dominant, unyielding, quick to decide, and quick to interrupt. It meant prioritizing control over collaboration and often mistaking confidence for competence. Those traits came easily to some of us. Others of us had to wear them like costumes.

I vividly remember being in my twenties and copying the tone of male mentors because they were the only models I saw.

Empathy? Soft.

Flexibility? Weak.

Pause to consider feelings? Not unless you wanted to be dismissed.

I even had the extraordinary opportunity to work with Madeleine Albright on two major projects during that time. She was brilliant, commanding, and deeply respected—everything I aspired to be.

But like many women of her generation, she led in a way that mirrored the men around her: decisive, unflinching, formal, and incredibly tough in ways that I interpreted as meanness at the time. At the time, I saw her style as the gold standard. Watching her taught me what was possible for women at the highest levels of leadership—but also what it cost for someone like me.

Only later did I begin to wonder if there were other ways to lead that could be just as powerful.

So I started to feel like a person who was split and acting like something I wasn’t to get respect and attention.

The First Time I Saw Something Different

It was more than 15 years into my career before I worked for Shannon Latta, a woman who modeled a new way for me. She was a total badass: smart, powerful, results-oriented. But she didn’t lead like the men I had modeled myself after.

She listened more than she spoke. She asked great questions. She didn’t fill space with bravado. When she assigned out a project, she would say “does that deadline work for you?” and she would actually listen to the answer. She didn’t apologize for being human.

And you know what? People followed her. They wanted to. She got results without steamrolling. Her team would have walked on coals for her. That blew my mind.

More recently, I worked with Sangram and Bryan, who also led with what most people would consider more traditionally feminine traits.

They were calm, emotionally present, great listeners, and naturally collaborative. Their leadership felt familiar in the best way—it reminded me of how I worked when I wasn't trying so hard to be someone else. It was validating to see that those traits weren’t just effective in women. They were effective, period.

Empowerment or Overcorrection?

About a decade ago, I worked with an executive coach for women who was herself a Baby Boomer in the style of Hillary Clinton, Carly Fiorina, or Madeleine Albright.

Although she was a client of mine, I saw the advice she gave her own clients straight from the power playbook:

• Don’t apologize, even when you’re wrong—male leaders never do.

• Don’t offer to get the coffee at a leadership meeting—male leaders never do.

• Don’t step aside in the hallway when someone is coming the other way—male leaders never do.

• Let your ideas sit in the room without softening them (no more introducing a powerful idea with “I was thinking that maybe we might . . .”)

• Take up more space.

• Don’t ever talk about your kids or your personal life at work.

• Don’t dress too femininely if you want to be taken seriously.

• Work twice as hard and never complain.

• Never rock the boat. Take your lumps and prove yourself, even if you’re facing gender discrimination.

She taught women to unlearn the rules we’d internalized to be liked. And to replace them with new rules about being heard, respected, and trusted.

To be sure: it is important to get away from worrying about being liked.

But here’s the thing: it never sat right with me to refuse to make space for someone at a table, or to decline a chance to help someone, just to make a point that I was “the boss.”

I didn’t want to become rigid in the opposite direction. I didn’t want to lead from resentment. Making room for someone in a hallway or offering to grab a coffee didn’t feel like weakness to me—it felt like kindness.

The problem wasn’t that things shouldn’t be done or that women were doing these things. The problem was that those actions were undervalued or expected only of women.

What I really wanted was for those gestures to be seen as leadership, too.

The Gender-Expansive Present

Fast forward to now: thankfully, we’re in a different place. Not perfect, but different. We understand that gender isn’t binary, and we’re starting to honor a fuller range of leadership styles.

The best leaders I know are aware of when to push and when to listen. When to be decisive and when to be curious. When to protect and when to empower.

The Rise of Servant Leadership

Have you noticed the rise of servant leadership in recent years? It’s a style defined by putting others first, removing barriers, and supporting growth. Leaders who serve instead of command.

According to the National Society of Leadership and Success:

Servant leadership is a style based on the desire to serve and give to your community. By putting the needs of others first, you empower people to perform at their best.

Servant leadership goes against the beliefs that leadership is defined as hierarchical, patriarchal, and related to wealth or status. Instead, as the name implies, it is focused on serving others to help them grow, often without the title or recognition that comes with many leadership roles.

Sound familiar? That’s what we used to call feminine leadership.

Now that men are embracing it, it’s considered progressive, enlightened, and strategic. And yes—it is all those things. But it also raises a question:

What If We Flipped the Script?

What if, instead of teaching women to dial down their intuition, warmth, and collaborative instincts, we taught men to lead with more vulnerability, empathy, and presence?

What if, instead of telling women to "act more like men," we acknowledged that the most effective leaders know how to draw from all parts of themselves, regardless of gender?

What if, instead of telling women to stop apologizing, we should teach men to be more comfortable apologizing.

What if the future of leadership is human, not masculine or feminine?

What if the future of leadership is nonbinary?

Try This: What’s Your Leadership Blend?

Score each statement from 1 (not at all like me) to 5 (very much like me):

• I prioritize team harmony over individual performance.

• I make decisions quickly, even without full information.

• I naturally create space for quieter voices.

• I assert my authority, even when it creates tension.

• I check in on how people feel, not just how they perform.

• I thrive in high-stakes, competitive situations.

• I listen more than I speak.

• I focus on long-term impact over short-term wins.

Results:

• Mostly 1–3s: You lean toward traditionally "male" leadership traits.

• Mostly 4–5s: You lean into traditionally "female" traits.

• A healthy mix: You’re living in the nonbinary leadership future. Welcome.

What I Wasn’t Taught to Value (But Rely On Now)

No one taught me to value intuition. Or softness. Or knowing when not to talk. Or the ability to build trust without needing to control. Or working with direct reports as collaborators instead of minions.

Now, I rely on all of that.

The most important things I bring to the table as a leader today?

Self-awareness. Curiosity. Humor. My ability to read a room. My willingness to admit when I’m wrong. My comfort with apologizing when I’ve made a mistake.

The Invitation

Leadership isn’t a role. It’s a set of practices. And like any practice, it evolves.

So here’s your invitation: Whatever your gender, expand your leadership range. Lead from your full self. Reward those who do.

Masculine and feminine traits each bring enormous value to leadership. Not all men lead like “men, " and not all women lead like “women.” And of course younger generations are exploring the nonbinary and all the wonderful things that concept brings to the table. (If you’re not familiar with the concept of nonbinary gender, this is a great resource).

The best leaders I’ve worked with know how to choose the best qualities of each—and discard the worst. It’s not about being one way or the other. It’s about having range, discernment, and the courage to show up with intention.

Because the future belongs to leaders who are flexible, self-aware, and human.

And that’s not just feminine. That’s revolutionary.

Work with Me

If you’re navigating the messy, magical, sometimes overwhelming transitions of your company, GTM strategy, and/or professional life, I’d love to support you. Most leaders have plenty of hustle, what they need is support.

I work with visionary founders and sales and marketing leaders on go-to-market strategy, leadership, clarity, and growth. I’d love to chat about what you need.

Learn More About Working With Me

I also lead two “How’s Work” workshops every month, open to all. We use writing prompts to explore decision-making, conflict, career, ambition, leadership, change, and work stress.

I’d love for you to join me.

Register for a Free Workshop

I saw this Instagram reel by Tara de Francisco and it resonated immediately:

Maybe she intended it to be about romantic relationships, or maybe she intended it generally. But because of what I do, I immediately thought about it in relation to work.

We show up with good intentions. We try to be collaborative, kind, and patient. We try to meet the moment with grace. And a lot of the time, it works. Until it doesn't.

For much of my career, and honestly in some friendships and partnerships too, I stayed considerate in places where I wasn't considered at all. I excused it. I rationalized it. I thought if I just worked harder, explained myself better, brought even more to the table, surely it would change. Surely they would see me.

The truth is, sometimes they won't. And it's not because you aren't valuable. It's because you are in the wrong room.

The reality: Sometimes you have to stay until you can leave

I want to be clear: this isn't a call for reckless exits. There have been times in my life when I had to stay in jobs that didn't treat me well because I needed the paycheck. I had bills. I had kids. I had a mortgage.

"Following your heart" sounds great until your electricity gets turned off.

If you're in a situation where you're staying at a job or in a career that isn’t right for you for financial reasons, survival reasons, logistical reasons — that's okay. You don't owe anyone an explanation for doing what you have to do to take care of yourself or your family.

But even if you can't leave yet, you can start asking the questions. You can start reconnecting to your own sense of worth.

Questions to Ask Yourself

You don't have to act today. But you do owe yourself your own honesty. Here are some questions to sit with:

• Am I respected here?

• Is my contribution valued?

• Do I feel safe being myself?

• Am I consistently shrinking myself?

• If I didn't need the paycheck, would I choose to stay?

• What parts of myself am I sacrificing to be here?

These questions aren't about immediate action. They're about clarity.

The Silent Toll of Staying Too Long Where You're Not Considered

It doesn't always announce itself. There's no flashing warning light, no dramatic moment of collapse. It happens slowly, over time.

It looks like this:

• Shrinking your voice in meetings without even realizing it.

• Second-guessing yourself before you send an email.

• Lowering your expectations of how you deserve to be treated.

• Telling yourself "it's not that bad" when it actually is.

• Feeling a little smaller every time you leave work, but convincing yourself you're just tired.

• Starting to believe that maybe you are the problem.

• Losing trust in your own instincts.

The silent toll is erosion, not explosion. It wears away at your confidence, your clarity, your sense of possibility. It convinces you to ask for less. It tricks you into thinking survival is success.

I have felt this toll both as an individual contributor and while sitting on an executive team. A title doesn't inoculate you from the feeling of being overlooked, undervalued, or unseen. It can happen anywhere.

The longer you stay, the harder it can be to remember who you were before you started negotiating against yourself.

That's why even if you can't leave yet, it's so important to stay awake to what's happening — to stay in touch with your self-worth, even if the room you're in refuses to reflect it back to you.

Making a Decision has Three Parts

In my experience, every major decision has three parts:

1. The knowing: Being honest about what is really happening. For me this can be the hardest step.

2. The willingness: Finding the emotional courage to imagine a different path.

3. The ability: Having the resources, support, or opportunity to actually move.

Sometimes we know what we need to do long before we're willing to do it. This has been true for me too many times to list.

Sometimes we're willing, but still building the ability to leave. That's okay. There's no shame in being anywhere along that path.

But it starts with asking yourself the questions. Even if you're not ready to act yet, you deserve to know the truth of your own experience.

Final thought

You deserve to be in rooms where you're considered, in jobs, partnerships, and communities where you're seen and valued. You deserve to take up space.

Stay considerate. But stay where you are considered.

Work with Me

Need a Work Doula?

If you’re navigating the messy, magical, sometimes overwhelming transitions of your company, strategy, and/or professional life, I’d love to support you. Most leaders have plenty of hustle, what they need is support.

I work with visionary founders and sales and marketing leaders on go-to-market strategy, leadership, clarity, and growth. I’d love to chat about what you need.

Learn More About Working With Me

I also lead two “How’s Work” workshops every month, open to all. We use writing prompts to explore decision-making, conflict, career, ambition, leadership, change, and work stress.

I’d love for you to join me.

Register for a Free Workshop

As a card-carrying, recovering codependent from Al-Anon, I understand the appeal of anything that promises emotional relief. I have spent years trying to manage situations that were never mine to manage. So when I hear a phrase like “Let Them”, I feel the tiny spark of hope that maybe I do not have to hold everything together all the time.

And if you spend any time in the liberal white woman media ecosystem (and BELIEVE ME I HAVE), you already know Mel Robbins has been everywhere. Podcasts, Instagram, group chats.

The “life-changing tool that millions of people can’t stop talking about” is catchy and soothing and empowering, so of course I picked up the book.

So, What Is the “Let Them” Theory?

At its core, “Let Them” is emotional detachment. Stop trying to control people. Stop chasing, rescuing, or manipulating outcomes. Stop bending yourself into shapes that no longer fit. Instead of trying to manage, fix, convince, or chase people, you simply… let them be who they are going to be and let them experience the natural consequences of their choices.

• If they drift away, let them.

• If they don’t text you back, let them.

• If they choose someone other than you as a friend or partner, let them.

• If they tell you who they are, believe them and let them, an then decide how you want to respond.

This is not new advice, but it is comforting when wrapped in simple language. It reminds people to stop the emotional gymnastics they have trained themselves to perform. In personal relationships, it can be transformative.

Here is Mel describing it in her own words about a year ago:

Where Things Fall Apart

I’m not here to yuck anyone’s yum.

“Let them” is solid advice that has helped a lot of people. It can be great for relationships. Friends. Parents. Exes. It’s worth aspiring to! If it’s helpful to you, by all means, use it!

The trouble begins when people take this idea from home into the workplace. To be fair to Mel Robbins, I’m not sure she is suggesting that we do. In my read, I found one short example from the workplace, and it was for an individual contributor who felt unappreciated, not a leader.

Leadership lives in a completely different ecosystem. You cannot rely on emotional detachment to guide decisions that affect paychecks, workloads, psychological safety, and team culture.

So let’s make the distinction clear.

When “Let Them” Works at Work

Here’s when this philosophy actually helps you become a better leader:

1. It can interrupt micromanagement.

If you tend to hover or correct every detail, the “Let Them” mindset can help you step back. When leaders stop over steering, teams often surprise them. There is real growth in letting go of false control.

2. It can help you focus on what really matters.

That teammate who’s constantly late to meetings? “Let Them” can help you stop spiraling and instead… observe. Hold the boundary, but don’t waste energy on outrage. Besides, if they don’t report to you, what are you going to do about it but be pissed off? Using “Let Them” as a reminder not to take things personally is growth. Especially when someone else’s behavior has nothing to do with you—and never did.

3. It can show you who people really are.

Stop chasing that disengaged team member. Let them opt out. That leaves you more space to pour into the ones who actually want to be there. You can decide long term if that low engagement is actually a problem or not, and deal with it either way.

And Then... It Goes Off the Rails

Now here’s the other side of the story.

1. It replaces responsibility with preference.

In your personal life, you get to decide what you will tolerate. At work, you hold standards on behalf of the whole team. You may not care if someone is late or sloppy, but the people who rely on them do. Leadership decisions cannot be guided only by your personal threshold.

2. It’s not a free pass to avoid conflict.

“Let Them” becomes avoidance when you use it to sidestep hard conversations. Leadership requires honest feedback. Skipping the uncomfortable parts is not wisdom. It is self protection. Boundaries require clarity and communication. Abdication is the absence of both. I know that a younger, more conflict avoidant version of myself could use “Let Them” to justify staying out of hard conversations instead of stepping into them with intention.

3. It doesn’t work when one person harms others.

Work isn’t a solo journey. One person’s unchecked behavior affects the whole team. You can’t always “let them” if “them” is torpedoing morale. I have been in situations where someone is making rude, sexist, or racist comments. I am not gonna “let them.’ I’ve been at companies where a high-performing sales person is a real asshole, and management’s attitude is just to “let him cook” while those behaviors would never be tolerated from someone who didn’t have such a direct impact on revenue.

4. It can be interpreted as detachment.

Leaders are not in neutral relationships with their teams. Silence from a manager is rarely interpreted as wisdom or calm. It is interpreted as approval or indifference or unavailability. Power changes the meaning of every action and every non action. When people do not know where you stand, psychological safety erodes fast.

5. It creates uneven workloads.

When you let one person underperform, the rest of the team quietly compensates. The highest performers absorb the slack until they burn out or act out or leave. There can be problematic gender and racial dynamics with who ends up getting off easy and who ends up carrying the heavier load.

6. It assumes natural consequences will teach the lesson.

This is not how companies work. The person who makes the mistake is not always the person who feels the impact. Workloads shift. Projects stall. Morale dips. Waiting for the universe to intervene is not a management strategy.

8. It can hide a lack of responsibility for your own part.

It is usually wise to assume people act for their own reasons and not because of you. That mindset protects you from taking things personally. The problem is that people who are not doing their own inner work can use “Let Them” to avoid looking at how their behavior contributed to the situation.

In the twelve step world, yes, we learn not to control others, but we also learn to keep our side of the street clean. “Let Them” only works when you pair detachment with honest self examination. If you are a leader and someone on your team is acting out, maybe it IS because of some dynamic you have control over changing, either in your leadership style or within the team.

Oh—and Yes, There’s Controversy

There is also the uncomfortable truth that Mel Robbins did not originate Let Them. The earliest known version is a poem by writer Cassie Phillips. It circulated online years before the book. Like many vulnerable pieces of writing, it traveled widely and often without credit.

When Mel published her version of the idea, many people recognized the similarities. Cassie expressed feeling erased. This pattern is not unusual in the self help world, but it raises important questions about attribution and power. Who gets celebrated. Who gets forgotten. Who gets paid. It doesn’t mean Mel did it intentionally, but it’s hard to believe she didn’t stumble across the poem when researching the book, and the similarities are quite evident.

Leaders should pay attention to that part of the story. It mirrors what happens inside companies when ideas get absorbed into the system without acknowledgment. How many of us have experienced someone else taking our idea at work and getting all the credit and adulation for it?

Here’s the first bit of her poem (read the whole thing here):

So What Should Leaders Actually Take From It?

Here’s the distilled wisdom I took from the book, while grumbling about paying $16 for a book that had most of the wisdom contained on the inside flap (is it just me, or is this a growing trend that people write whole books that could have been essays?)

• Let go of rescuing.

• Let people show you how they operate without you rearranging the whole system to accommodate them.

• Let yourself stop sprinting after every dropped responsibility.

• Let natural consequences teach what you do not need to over explain.

BUT ALSO…

• Do not let harmful behavior continue because you want to seem relaxed.

• Do not allow clarity to evaporate because boundaries sound spiritual.

• Do not confuse checking out with becoming wise.

• Do not outsource your authority to a slogan.

A Story from Home

I used a version of Let Them with my seventeen year old last week. He and a friend are planning a multi day hike on the Appalachian Trail. He announced that he would be bringing his school backpack, wearing sneakers, and boiling lake water. Every protective instinct in my body lit up at once. I felt the familiar urge to reorganize everything.

Here was our text exchange (posted with his permission):

Did you laugh when you read about the teenager who has never camped before scavenging for food in the mountains of Virginia? I know I did.

But I also took a breath and stepped back. He is allowed to learn from carrying a bad backpack and hiking in shoes with no support. That is how teenagers calibrate reality. What I did not allow was a trip with no water or plan for food. Let Them ends where actual safety begins.

The same rule applies at work. You let people experiment, try things, and learn by doing. You do not let people drift into decisions that harm themselves or others. You do not disappear from your role because disengagement feels enlightened.

TL;DR: “Let Them” is a self-regulation technique. Not a leadership strategy.

Use it to center yourself. Calm your nervous system. Regain perspective.

But then? Put on your big boss pants and lead with clarity, courage, and care.

Because you are the one they’re looking to.
And they might “let themselves” drift…
Unless you show up to lead.

Would love to hear your take. Have you read the book? What did you think?

Inner Compass for Leaders: Workday Retreats for Leaders

“Let Them” only works when you’re willing to look at your own patterns . . .the way you avoid conflict, over function, hold too much, or disappear when things feel hard. Most leaders never get space to do that kind of honest reflection. They’re too busy reacting.

That’s why I started the Inner Compass for Leaders workshops. They’re one hour workday retreats where we slow down, write, and see what’s actually driving our choices.

I’ve had more than 250 people take my workshops over the last year. I work hard to create a small, safe respite from the workday to explore the things that make work frustrating, wonderful, and overwhelming.

I’d love for you to join a session.

Register for a Free Workshop

Work with Me

Need a Work Doula?

If you’re navigating the messy, magical, sometimes overwhelming transitions of your company, strategy, and/or professional life, I’d love to support you. Most leaders have plenty of hustle, what they need is support.

Learn More About Working With Me

Note from the author:
This piece was originally written on January 20, 2025, before the full extent of the political and corporate backlash against DEI had unfolded.

In the months since, we’ve seen even more rollbacks of diversity, equity, and inclusion programs. The term itself has become politicized, distorted, and, in some circles, deliberately dismantled. But I wrote this before all that happened. And now it’s more important than ever.

Dr. King’s legacy is not a quote carousel. It’s a demand for moral clarity and sustained action.

On this Martin Luther King Jr. Day, 2025, we’re about to see a lot of nice, friendly MLK Jr quotes shared to honor his legacy.

We’ll see them from companies and individuals actively working against his principles (I’m looking at your Meta, Walmart, and Ford).

Let’s put our money, time, and effort where our mouths are.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. is often remembered for his messages of unity and peace, but he also spoke with profound clarity about systemic injustice, economic inequality, and the moral failures of society.

On this MLK Jr Day, we cannot quote merely the times he advocated for things that are, by now, comfortable and familiar.

We must also consider and reflect on the times when he was provocative and challenged the status quo:

• "We must recognize that we can’t solve our problem now until there is a radical redistribution of economic and political power."
  (From his speech to the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, 1967)

• "Capitalism does not permit an even flow of economic resources. With this system, a small privileged few are rich beyond conscience, and almost all others are doomed to be poor at some level."

• "I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in the stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Counciler or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to 'order' than to justice."
  (From his 1963 "Letter from Birmingham Jail")

• "There are forty million poor people here, and one day we must ask the question, 'Why are there forty million poor people in America?' And when you begin to ask that question, you are raising questions about the economic system, about a broader distribution of wealth."
  (From his speech during the Poor People's Campaign, 1968)

• "True peace is not merely the absence of tension; it is the presence of justice."
  (From his book Stride Toward Freedom: The Montgomery Story, 1958)

• "We as a nation must undergo a radical revolution of values. We must rapidly begin the shift from a thing-oriented society to a person-oriented society."
  (From his 1967 speech, "Beyond Vietnam: A Time to Break Silence")

  

These statements reveal a side of Dr. King that is often sanitized in popular narratives. They show us his radical critique of systems of power and inequality, challenging us to confront uncomfortable truths about society and justice.

So until we solve the evils of capitalism, what can we do in our companies, our teams, and our workplaces to align with this moral imperative, ensuring our values and practices reflect a commitment to justice and fairness?

I’m not saying DEI is the only answer, but I’m worried about the rejection of those principles in the popular discourse.

We’re Not There Yet! Not Even Close

Let’s get it out of the way for anyone who says this is not a problem that needs to be solved.

1. Gender and Racial Pay Gap

• In 2022, women earned approximately 82% of what men earned, a ratio that has remained relatively unchanged over the past two decades. (source: Pew)

• The wage gap is more pronounced among women of color. For instance, Hispanic or Latina women earned about 58%, and Black women earned about 63% of what White men earned in 2021. (source: GAO)

• The COVID-19 pandemic widened the gender wage gap for the first time in 20 years.

2. Occupational Segregation

• Women are underrepresented in management positions, constituting about 41% of managers while making up approximately 44% of the total workforce. (source: GAO)

• Black and Hispanic women are often concentrated in lower-paying industries and occupations, leading to significant economic disadvantages. (source: DOL)

3. Discrimination

• Black employees not only earn less but also face adverse work environments, including limited access to workplace perks and dealing with poor management practices. (source: HBR)

• A 2023 study by the Williams Institute found that 47% of LGBTQ+ employees reported experiencing discrimination or harassment at work.

• Transgender and nonbinary employees faced even higher rates, with 55% reporting discrimination and 26% experiencing harassment.

• Approximately 60% of nonbinary employees have experienced discrimination or harassment at work at some point in their lives, including being fired, not hired, or verbally, physically, or sexually harassed due to their gender identity

• About 42% of working women in the U.S. report experiencing gender discrimination in the workplace, affecting their earnings, promotions, and job assignments. (source: Pew)

• More than half (58%) of Latinx LGBTQ employees have faced discrimination or harassment at work during their lifetimes, including being fired, not hired, not promoted, or subjected to verbal, physical, or sexual harassment because of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

DEI is Good For Business

If you’re obsessed with shareholder value and not convinced by the moral imperative (or if you need some ammo to defend DEI programs at your company) allow me to share some academic research that makes a compelling business case for DEI programs:

1. Enhanced Financial Performance

Companies with diverse executive teams are more likely to outperform their peers financially. A McKinsey & Company report found that organizations in the top quartile for gender diversity on executive teams were 25% more likely to have above-average profitability.

2. Increased Innovation

Diverse teams bring varied perspectives, fostering creativity and innovation. Research shows that organizations engaged in DEI practices experience greater innovation and successful execution of ideas.

3. Access to a Broader Talent Pool

Emphasizing DEI allows companies to attract and retain talent from a wider range of backgrounds. According to Harvard Business School, 69% of recruiters and HR professionals believe their organizations commit to diverse hiring practices, yet only 47% think hiring managers are held to those standards.

4. Improved Employee Engagement and Retention

According to studies by Deloitte, McKinsey & Company, and Harvard Business Review, inclusive workplaces significantly contribute to higher employee satisfaction and lower turnover rates. Companies with inclusive cultures are more likely to retain top talent and have lower turnover rates than less diverse ones.

5. Better Decision-Making

Diverse teams consider a wider array of perspectives, leading to more informed and effective decisions. Diverse teams perform better than non-diverse teams, as varied viewpoints contribute to improved problem-solving and decision-making processes.

The Tides Are Shifting Against DEI

Lately, I’ve noticed a concerning trend among politicians and corporations to denigrate and undermine DEI initiatives.

This shift not only threatens the progress made toward workplace equality but also endangers the foundational principles of fairness and equal opportunity that Dr. King championed.

Several Fortune 500 companies have recently scaled back their DEI commitments in the wake of a U.S. Supreme Court decision in July 2023 that outlawed affirmative action in college admissions.:

• Meta Platforms Inc. (parent company of Facebook, Instagram, and What’sApp)

• McDonald's

• Walmart

• Ford

• John Deere

• Harley-Davidson

Companies Upholding DEI Commitments

Despite the backlash, some organizations continue to stand firm in their support for DEI:

• Costco: The wholesale retailer maintains its DEI policies, emphasizing that such efforts are essential for attracting talent and fostering innovation.

• Apple: The tech giant's board has advised shareholders to reject proposals aimed at eliminating its DEI programs, reaffirming its commitment to equal opportunity employment.

What Can Small Companies Do?

I work mostly with startups and SMBs. They don’t have multimillion-dollar DEI budgets. Here are some things to do to improve DEI at your workplace anyway:

• Develop Inclusive Hiring Practices: Use blind resume reviews to minimize unconscious bias and post job openings on platforms that reach underrepresented groups.

• Foster an Inclusive Workplace Culture: Establish clear anti-discrimination policies and create spaces for employees to share their experiences and feedback.

• Provide DEI Training: Offer regular workshops on unconscious bias and inclusive leadership.

• Ensure Pay Equity: Conduct regular audits to identify and close wage gaps.

• Watch Diversity in Leadership and at Events: Check out your leadership page on your website: are they all white men? At your next event or webinar, keep an eye toward who you are promoting to speak. This is not merely for optics! I can’t stress that enough. It’s because your company and events will be BETTER.

What Can Individual Leaders Do?

• Mind Your Own Team: All the things listed above are things you can do on your own team.

• Educate Yourself: Read books, articles, and studies about systemic inequality and privilege.

• Challenge Bias: Speak up when you witness discrimination or exclusion in the workplace.

• Be an Ally: Amplify the voices of underrepresented colleagues and advocate for them.

• Support Diverse Businesses: Choose to patronize or partner with businesses owned by marginalized groups.

• Mentor and Sponsor: Offer guidance and opportunities to individuals from underrepresented backgrounds.

In Closing

My Substack is about work, so I’m looking at all this through the lens of what we can do in our workplaces. This is not meant to be an exhaustive solution to discrimination and bias in the workplace.

However, it is my fervent belief that the rollback of DEI initiatives poses a significant threat to the progress made in creating inclusive and equitable workplaces.

On this day, as we honor Dr. King's legacy, it's crucial for organizations and for us, as individuals, to reaffirm our commitment to DEI, recognizing that such efforts are not merely corporate responsibilities but moral imperatives essential for fostering a just and thriving society.

I launched my How’s Work workshops and have filled the first few! Sign up for one if you haven’t already.

I will be in Austin next week for Pavilion’s GTM2024; I’d love to meet if you’ll be in town!

Instead of a thoughtful post this week, I will share some work memes I saved.

My teenagers have told me that screenshotted tweets are not memes, but whatever, they’re not the boss of me.

Enjoy!

A few things worth noting in that definition about what GTM is NOT:

• GTM is not just marketing and sales but also includes customer success and even product.

• GTM is not a one-time project or launch plan; it’s a long-term, cohesive strategy

• GTM is not just about HOW you sell (inbound, outbound, events, product-led growth, etc.), it’s the broader strategy that informs how you sell.

Marketing, Sales, CS, and Product Roles in a B2B Startup

GTM sets the overall strategy:

• Who is the customer?

• What is the value proposition and positioning?

• What are the key sales, marketing, and product efforts needed to drive success?

Marketing creates awareness and demand: It brings potential customers to the door.

Sales closes deals: It turns the demand marketing creates into revenue.

Customer Success retains and grows customers, ensuring they stay engaged and expand their product use.

Product builds and improves the product to make sure the offering stays competitive and continues to meet customer needs.

Each function plays a crucial role, but go-to-market ties them together, ensuring they are aligned on strategy and execution for business success.

Who Owns GTM in a Startup?

GTM Partners (a former employer and current partner of mine whose work on GTM is brilliant) just posted a great research note advocating for a Chief Go-to-Market Officer.

But what about for a startup, under $10m in revenue that may not even have a CMO or CRO yet?

Go-to-market MUST be the CEO’s job for the first few years or the first few million dollars. The CEO is the only one who can align goals and compensation across sales, marketing, customer success, and product.

I see too many Series A and B companies make the mistake of making the most senior marketing or sales/revenue leader the head of GTM. I have played that role myself a few times. I have been guilty of being a marketing leader who amasses a lot of influence and mistakes a broad marketing role for owning GTM.

The challenge is that GTM needs to be aligned across so many silos, and a VP of sales or marketing probably doesn’t have authority over CS or product.

It has to be the CEO.

But how can a busy CEO oversee such a vast strategy given their many other responsibilities?

BUT HOW!?!?

For a CEO of a smaller B2B startup to effectively assert their authority over the GTM strategy while balancing other tasks, it’s crucial to establish a high-level, cross-functional structure that keeps them involved in key decisions but allows execution to happen smoothly without micromanagement.

Let’s look at the following areas:

1. Strategy

2. Team

3. Meetings

4. Projects

5. Oversight

6. Leadership

7. External Resources

1. Strategy: CEO Owns the Big Picture

The CEO's role in setting the go-to-market (GTM) strategy, especially in a B2B startup, is more high-level and visionary than the roles of the product, marketing, CS, and sales leaders, who focus on how their areas can support the overall goals.

The CEO’s role:

• Visionary leadership and alignment

• Defining high-level strategic objectives

• Resource allocation and investment

• Setting culture and leadership tone

• High-level partnerships and strategic relationships

• Making key strategic decisions

2. Team: Clear Lines of Responsibility without Silos

The CEO needs a lean, high-impact team where each leader is responsible for one of the core GTM functions—sales, marketing, customer success, and product—with direct communication lines back to the CEO. Here’s how to organize it:

• Sales Leader: Head of Sales or VP of Sales responsible for generating and closing deals (could be a CRO as revenue increases)

• Marketing Leader: VP of Marketing or CMO responsible for driving awareness, leads, and demand generation.

• Customer Success Leader: Head of Customer Success ensures customer retention, satisfaction, and growth (earlier-stage startups generally do not need a C-level customer success leader, though there are exceptions)

• Product Leader: Product Lead focuses on product development and market fit.

This team should have the authority to make tactical decisions but should align with the CEO on strategic direction. As you grow, having a GTM Operations Manager or Chief Revenue Officer (CRO) overseeing cross-functional alignment and metrics tracking might make sense.

2. Meetings: Keep It Strategic & Efficient

The CEO should keep a direct hand in the GTM strategy through well-structured, efficient meetings to avoid being bogged down in the minutiae.

Weekly GTM Sync (60-90 minutes): A weekly cross-functional meeting with sales, marketing, customer success, and product leaders to ensure alignment and progress. The CEO sets the strategic agenda, but each team leads their portion of the update.

• Agenda: Key metrics review (pipeline, revenue, churn), major roadblocks, progress on ongoing GTM projects.

• CEO Role: Drive strategy alignment, resolve cross-functional issues, and make final decisions on high-impact areas.

Quarterly Strategy Review (2 hours): A deep dive into the GTM strategy and performance with the full leadership team (consider going offsite at LEAST once a year for a day or two of planning).

• Agenda: Review of customer segments and personas, feedback from sales and customer success, competitive landscape, marketing effectiveness, product development timelines, and quarterly/annual goals.

• CEO Role: Set or adjust high-level strategy, realign priorities, and communicate the vision for the next quarter.

Ad-Hoc Issue Resolution (15-30 minutes):

If critical GTM issues need the CEO’s input, schedule quick, focused sessions as needed.

3. Project Structure: Prioritize, Delegate, and Set Clear Goals

The CEO can keep a handle on things without managing every detail by prioritizing the most impactful GTM projects and delegating execution to the appropriate leaders.

• Define High-Impact Projects: The CEO should focus on defining strategic GTM initiatives, such as entering a new market, launching a major product update, or pivoting the business model. These are where CEO input is most valuable.

• Delegate Execution to Teams: Once a project is identified, delegate execution to the appropriate teams. The CEO should establish clear goals, timelines, and KPIs for each project.

• Use OKRs or KPIs to Track Progress: The CEO can maintain visibility on GTM projects by ensuring that each initiative has measurable outcomes (e.g., pipeline growth, sales velocity, customer retention, or product adoption). These metrics can be reviewed in weekly and monthly meetings without requiring constant CEO oversight.

4. Oversight: Stay Involved without Micromanaging

To have strategic oversight without getting buried in day-to-day execution, the CEO should maintain a high-level view of the GTM strategy through data-driven insights and focused feedback loops.

• Centralized Dashboard: Implement a GTM dashboard that gives a snapshot of the most important KPIs across sales, marketing, and customer success. This allows the CEO to monitor performance at a glance. Metrics to Track: Pipeline value, revenue, NRR, conversion rates, churn rates, customer lifetime value (CLTV), product adoption, and marketing ROI.

• Regular Feedback from Team Leads: The CEO should encourage team leads to surface critical insights from their departments, whether it’s feedback from the field (sales), market positioning (marketing), or product fit (customer success and product). This allows the CEO to make informed strategic decisions without micromanaging.

5. Leadership: Communicate Vision and Values

Leadership and culture are essential elements of any GTM strategy. By setting a clear vision, values, and a culture of accountability, the CEO can create a high-performing GTM team that stays aligned with company goals.

• Communicate the Vision: The CEO must ensure that the GTM team understands the company's long-term vision and how their roles contribute to it. This will motivate and align the teams.

• Create a Culture of Ownership: Encourage each department leader to take ownership of their GTM responsibilities. The CEO can assert authority by asking critical questions, ensuring accountability, and challenging the team to meet high expectations.

• Coach and Develop Leaders: Too often in startups, leaders are eleveated because they are good at their functional area whether or not they have any leadership skills. All leaders at the VP level or higher should be coached by either the CEO or an outside executive coach. One bad leader can destroy a good GTM strategy.

6. Make Strategic Use of External Resources

Given how busy a CEO can be, leveraging external resources to support the GTM strategy is key.

• Advisors and Consultants: Bringing in GTM advisors or experts can help the CEO maintain a strategic focus without needing to examine all operational details in depth.

• Technology and Tools: Invest in tools (e.g., CRM, marketing automation, customer success platforms) that automate tracking and reporting. This reduces the burden on the CEO and the leadership team to collect and analyze data manually.

What Does Everyone Else Do?

Here’s a cheat sheet.

It’s Not Easy!

I get it. It is not easy to be a CEO or to maintain a hand in all these things. I hope this outline has been helpful. If you’re at a startup, I’d love to hear from you in the comments about who is the head of your GTM or whether you struggle with clear lines of authority and GTM ownership.

Delight of the Week

A few years ago, inspired by Ross Gay’s Book of Delights, I began documenting one small, everyday delight in my journal. This practice feels more meaningful than gratitude journaling because it encourages me to notice the little things. I want to share a “weekly delight” here to add a personal touch to this newsletter. Feel free to share your delights in the comments!

Last summer, I broke my ankle in three places in a hiking accident in Charlottesville, VA. I got a mountain rescue and the whole deal.

That’s not the delight, but it’s the setup for the delight.

My injury was a trimalleolar fracture, which, if you google it at 3 a.m. the night before surgery, you will find out is the worst ankle fracture you can have and that it will likely have life-long impacts.

I had surgery with pins and plates and screws. I was on crutches for months, had PT for what seemed like forever, and then a bunch of other stuff happened in my personal life that took my attention and energy away from recovery.

The resulting lack of mobility has been difficult for me. It impacts my social life, exercise routine, and mental health.

So, a few weeks ago, I returned to PT to get my body in shape so I could take long walks again.

Delight of the Week: this morning, I walked 10 minutes at a good pace with no pain. A month ago, I had extreme pain after just 7 minutes. Yahoo! And last week, I stood for 30 minutes to moderate a panel at the GTM is Better Together event in Atlanta.

The PT is working! That is such a delight.

I’ve been fairly active my whole adult life. I’ve done sprint triathlons, 10ks, weight training, swimming, boot camps, cycling, yoga, pilates, barre, and hiked miles and miles on the Appalachian Trail. In fact, in 2020, when everyone was home during the pandemic, our family did 25 hikes around Virginia in 9 months.

In fact, I broke my ankle in the middle of a 6-mile mountain hike on uneven terrain where we crossed boulders and streams (WATCH THOSE SLIPPERY ROCKS IN STREAMS, FOLKS!)

But even though I have been in far better shape, here I am, overjoyed, thrilled, and, dare I say, DELIGHTED to be on that treadmill in PT this morning and cross the 10-minute mark.

Whether or not I ever get back to what I could do before, I am starting to feel some hope that I will be able to walk a few miles without pain at least, and that makes me so, so happy today!

Thanks for reading this far, and I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments about who should lead GTM or your delight of the week.

Have a great week, everyone, and I hope this has been useful to you.

SAS

Work with me

What’s not to love?

I discovered pretty quickly what’s not to love: the two years I worked for a company with unlimited PTO, I took the fewest vacation days of my entire career.

And I know I’m not alone.

(Is it crazy to come out as an executive coach aligned with the working class over business? Perhaps. Time will tell. I’m feeling sassy on Labor Day!)

Why Unlimited PTO is Bad for Workers

It really boils down to these five things:

1. Unlimited PTO results in underutilization. Research shows that employees take less time off because they are unsure about what’s acceptable. When you don’t clarify what an acceptable number of days is, there can be unspoken pressure not to take too much time off because you’re afraid it will make you look like you’re taking advantage of a generous system. No one takes ten bagels on Free Bagel Friday, and no one will take four weeks of vacation on unlimited PTO.

2. Leaders at startups tend to take less time off, which means employees feel like they can’t either. Founders are notorious for eschewing vacations as they’re building a company to $50M. I worked for one founder whose partner would force him to take vacations, and he’d be on the phone with me from the bathroom of the ski lodge or the lobby of a Broadway show. It is hard for me to take real vacations if he’s not taking them. And if I’m not, then my team feels uncomfortable, too.

3. You don’t get paid for unused time. In traditional PTO policies, employees often get paid for unused vacation days if they leave the company. With unlimited PTO, employees leave with nothing since there’s no accrued time, which can be a financial disadvantage for the employee (but good for the company, and we’ll get to that in a minute).

4. People are going to get burned out. Without clear structure and clear expectations, employees won’t take adequate breaks and will get burned out. Gallup also found burned-out employees cost $3,400 out of every $10,000 in salary because they are disengaged in their work.

5. PTO is subject to manager approval, which can lead to inequity. Unlimited PTO can give an advantage to slackers over conscientious workers. But more often, it means every vacation approval is at the discretion of your manager. I’ve seen managers play favorites and allow some to take days off, not others who have fallen out of favor.

Why Unlimited PTO is Good for Companies

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but most things that are good for corporations are bad for workers. Or, at the very least, if a policy is INCREDIBLY ADVANTAGEOUS for companies, it’s worth looking very closely at the impact on workers.

Conversely, policies that advantage workers are also profitable for companies because happy, rested, fulfilled workers work better and harder. So, if just being a decent human being on planet Earth isn’t enough motivation to convince you to treat workers well, sleep well knowing that being good to workers is also good for your stock prices.

But I digress.

The reason unlimited PTO is good for companies:

1. They get more work out of workers: As described above, unlimited PTO results in less PTO taken, which in an overly simplistic analysis indicates you’ll get more work out of people (we know that’s not true, that burned out people actually work less).

2. They save a ton of money. Traditional PTO policies require companies to track and sometimes pay out unused vacation days, which can accumulate as a liability on the balance sheet. With unlimited PTO, there's no need to track unused days, potentially saving money in the long run. In fact, companies won’t have to pay employees for unused vacation time when they leave, as there's technically no accrued vacation time to cash out.

3. It makes administration simpler. There's less need for HR to track and manage PTO balances, which can simplify administrative tasks.

4. It helps recruitment. Studies show that workers like the idea of unlimited PTO in the interview process until they get into the job and recognize the inherent flaws with the system.

What Leaders Can Do

If you are a founder with any power, please stop offering unlimited PTO. If you must, offer guidelines with a ceiling and a floor, meaning everyone must take at least one week and no more than four weeks.

If you’re offering benefits like free kombucha, ping pong tables, and nap pods but not a clear paid time off policy, take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself if you are really pro-worker. If you’re doing unlimited PTO to save money at the early stages of a startup, own that and explain it an all-hands meeting. Take great pains to ensure people are taking vacation and not getting burned out.

There is no excuse for a huge, profitable, billion-dollar public company to have a policy like that (I’m looking at you Hubspot, LinkedIn, Adobe, Netflix).

If you have unlimited PTO at your company and you are convinced your workers really, really love it because you do things differently, then consider an anonymous survey of employees who have been there a year or longer and ask if they really like it, what would make it work better, and then implement those changes.

If you are a leader not responsible for corporate policy, then the best thing you can do is take vacation yourself. Take half days on Fridays in summer. Whatever you do, do it publicly. This sends a signal to your employees that it’s okay for them as well. Check out entirely. Do not respond to emails. Approve all vacations within reason. Lead by example.

Happy Labor Day, y’all!

If you still want to work with me after learning about my not-so-secret pro-worker side, book a call with me!

Book a Free Call