You're Not Indecisive. You're Processing.
Are you the kind of person who takes a walk alone before deciding? Or do you call three people to talk it through?
A few days ago, I read a LinkedIn post from Brian Glick, a former CEO I worked for. He wrote:
“Is there a German word for typing something into an AI prompt and immediately knowing the answer because making the question clear for AI triggered your brain to solve it?”
Yes! This happens to me all the time. Often, I’ll start explaining a dilemma to my best friend, and halfway through the sentence, I realize I already know what to do. (Do I still talk her ear off for an hour? Yes, yes I do.)
It’s not that she gives me the answer or tells me what I should do. It’s that the act of framing the question for HER jolts something loose for ME.
Watching how that happens in myself and my clients, I’ve started thinking about the two main ways people find clarity.
Two Ways of Knowing
Reflective processors find clarity in stillness. They think best in quiet, through journaling, meditation, or solitary walks.
Expressive processors find clarity in community. They think best by speaking, writing, getting feedback, brainstorming, or simply getting it out.
Either method can lead to fast or slow decisions, good or bad choices, confidence or doubt. The method of processing or decision-making has little to do with the quality of the decision; it’s just the way we get there.
Most of us have a dominant mode, but we all contain both. The real power comes from recognizing which one we’re using and when it’s helping or hindering us.
My Own Style
I’m an expressive processor. If I have a decision to make, I need to talk about it with five people. They don’t even need to give advice. It’s the act of explaining that helps me sort out where my own head is.
I have my “councils.” There’s a personal council and a work council. I rely on my personal council more because, after thirty years in the working world, I usually know what I’m doing. But after forty-nine years as a human, I still have no idea what I’m doing in my personal life.
My council doesn’t tell me what to do. They affirm, challenge, question, and advise—but mostly, they listen and pressure test while I figure it out.
A Quick Self-Test
For each pair, notice which one sounds more like you most of the time.
When I’m stuck, I pause and take a walk. / When I’m stuck, I talk it out.
I feel calmer after journaling or having quiet, reflective time. / I feel calmer after a good conversation.
I prefer to reflect before deciding. / I prefer to decide so I can reflect after.
I gain clarity by thinking things through on my own. / I gain clarity from talking things through with others.
I trust what I know when I feel settled. / I trust what I know when I’ve said it out loud.
If you mainly picked the first column, you lean reflective.
If you picked mostly from the second, you tend to be expressive.
If you’re somewhere in between, congratulations, you may already know how to balance both and I bet you always got the middle category whenever you took a quiz in Cosmo or Sassy Magazine (am I dating myself?).
The point isn’t to categorize yourself or that one is better or worse. It’s to notice the conditions under which your own wisdom tends to emerge.
The Gifts and Shadows of Each Style
Every processing style carries wisdom, and every one has potential traps.
Reflective Processing
The Gifts
Depth and discernment that come from inner knowing, experience, or data rather than from outside opinions
Emotional regulation and a willingness to take time to metabolize before responding
Sensitivity to context and the ability to see nuance where others see noise
Steadiness during chaos; a groundedness that calms teams
Skill in pattern recognition and information synthesis; seeing long arcs others might miss
The Traps
Overthinking and rumination that feel like reflection but actually keep you stuck
Ignoring or failing to seek outside opinions, which can lead to drinking your own Kool-Aid
Emotional bottling; processing alone when connection would help
Perfectionism or the need to “get it right” before acting
Mistaking silence for safety; avoiding conflict or visibility
Expressive Processing
The Gifts
Clarity through articulation; using conversation in community as a bridge between chaos and order
Energizing collaboration; thinking with others sparks creativity and new solutions
Rapid iteration and momentum; ideas move quickly into testing and learning will a willingness to experiment publicly and adjust in real time.
Emotional openness and modeling authenticity in communication
High relational intelligence; sensing group dynamics while you speak
The Traps
Relying on external validation instead of internal conviction
Speaking before thinking; creating noise instead of clarity
Deferring decisions to avoid the discomfort of choosing
Oversharing as a way to process emotions that need containment
Acting too soon and mistaking movement for progress
Draining quieter team members who need space to form ideas
When I coach leaders, I often see reflective processors who seem calm but are stuck in loops of overthinking or insulated from outside input.
I also see expressive processors who seem bold but are terrified to sit still with uncertainty. (That one is me.)
Why This Matters for Leaders
Corporate culture often rewards those who arrive at clarity fastest. The people who bring a recommendation instead of a reflection, who seem to have already done their thinking elsewhere, are regarded as better leaders. Whether they’re naturally reflective or expressive doesn’t matter as much as the polish of the delivery.
But real leadership requires both modes: the willingness to go inward long enough to form insight, and the courage to bring it outward even when it’s still a little messy.
When teams over-index on reflection, they risk inertia. When they over-index on expression, they risk chaos.
High-functioning teams build space for both. They balance the meeting with the memo, the brainstorm with the quiet hour, the talker with the notetaker.
As a leader, one of the most generous things you can do is help people process in the way that serves them best.
Give reflective thinkers time to form language before asking for opinions. Don’t assume because they are quiet in a meeting or don’t have an instant reaction to your idea that they aren’t strategic.
Give expressive thinkers a chance to talk things through without judgment. Don’t assume that because they’re still considering that they lack conviction or foresight.
And know which one you are, because it’s shaping every decision you make.
When Your Style Doesn’t Fit the Room
Knowing your style is one thing. Working in a culture that doesn’t share it is another.
Sometimes our natural way of processing clashes with the environment we’re in. Reflective processors can feel rushed or dismissed in fast-moving organizations. Expressive processors can feel stifled in cultures that prize quiet consensus and polished decks.
If you’re a reflective processor in an expressive world:
Share your thinking earlier than feels comfortable. You don’t need to have the perfect answer, just a perspective in progress.
Create “thinking out loud” rituals that still feel authentic. Send a short written reflection before a meeting or ask for five minutes of quiet processing time during one.
Let others know how you work. Try saying, “I usually need a little time to think about this. Can I circle back later today?” It signals thoughtfulness, not hesitation.
Don’t confuse your pace with your value. Insight takes time. Sometimes slowing down is the most powerful leadership move you can make.
If you’re an expressive processor in a reflective culture:
Practice distilling before you deliver. Capture your stream of thought privately first in a journal, a voice note, or a rough draft. Then share the essence.
Ask permission to think aloud. Framing your style by saying, “I’m going to talk this out for a minute,” helps others follow your process without assuming indecision.
Balance enthusiasm with curiosity. Pause mid-conversation to ask, “Does this resonate?” or “What am I missing?” so reflective peers can engage.
Remember that silence isn’t rejection. Some people process inwardly and will bring their response later. Leave room for that.
For everyone:
The goal isn’t to change your natural mode but to develop range. When you can move between reflection and expression, you become easier to follow, easier to trust, and far more effective in complex environments.
Reflection Prompts
Y’all know I love a good writing prompt!
Writing prompts work for both reflective and expressive processors because they meet us in the middle.
For reflective processors, a prompt provides structure and focus for the quiet work of introspection.
For expressive processors, writing becomes a conversation partner . . . it’s a way to “talk it out” on the page without interruption.
Either way, putting thoughts into words transforms them. A prompt helps turn vague knowing into language you can see, hear, and understand.
Or, if you’d rather, here are some questions to consider in writing.
What kinds of environments help me hear my own thoughts?
What question have I been carrying that might shift if I said it out loud?
Where in my life am I mistaking rumination for reflection?
When was the last time I acted quickly to avoid sitting in uncertainty?
Whose approval am I unconsciously seeking when I process out loud?
How does my processing style show up in meetings or decision-making?
Who on my team processes differently from me, and how could I make space for that?
What could I try this week that would stretch my default way of thinking?
Work with Me
I am accepting new GTM advisory clients and new executive coaching/work doula clients.
I also offer a free, hour-long work retreat every month. It’s a chance to pause and reflect through writing (just like I described above), and it works great as a tool for both reflective and expressive processors.
I am not currently taking new clients for fractional and interim marketing and GTM leadership roles, but if you’d like to get on my waiting list for spring, 2026, I’d love to chat.
Great post!! This happens to me. I'm similar to you.
"I have a decision to make, I need to talk about it with five people. They don’t even need to give advice. It’s the act of explaining that helps me sort out where my own head is." I get clarity this way.